When it comes to the ladies, 9-year-old Alec Greven is an expert. This kid gets more ass than a toilet seat and even wrote a book on meeting wome-er, girls. What began as a $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair has turned in to a published dating primer called “How to Talk to Girls” which hit the shelves nationwide last week.

The fourth-grader from Castle Rock, Colo., advises Lothario wannabes to stop showing off, go easy on the compliments to avoid looking desperate - and be wary of “pretty girls.” “It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,” he writes in Chapter Three. “Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.” He advises, “The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are cold hearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.”

The irony about it is this kid doesn’t date girls. He claims its for older people — the 15 or 16 year old kids who steal his lunch food everyday. Not a problem considering that come high school, little Alec will be stealing all of their girlfriends. Parents, lock up your daughters.

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For a long time, scientists have suspected that humans have an ancient history of drug use. Without any proof, such speculations become nothing more than the rantings of a scientist doped out on hallucinogens. Now, valid proof that humans from the Stone Age dabbled in the arts of “getting fucked up” have appeared on the Caribbean island of Carriacou.

Quetta Kaye of UCL and Scott Fitzpatrick, an archeologist from North Carolina State University, have discovered equipment used to prepare hallucinogenic drugs for sniffing. Additionally, the ceramic bowls they found date back to prehistoric South American tribes, which proves that humans have been taking drugs for longer than one might believe. Listen, just because one wipes their ass with a leaf doesn’t mean they’re less likely to do drugs. Who said druggies have to be civilized?

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You’d best get to your local convenience store and stock up on some Mega Man energy drinks because Mega Man 9 is coming - again. Knowing Capcom, it’ll probably come ten more times because Capcom just can’t quit anything.

Mega Man 9 has been given a release date of September 24th for the WiiWare in Japan. No word on an American release date so far but we’ll keep our eyes peeled. The game is expected to launch on the PSN and Xbox Live as well, but no news or dates have been announced. One can dream!

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Hope is a dog born without front legs. A dog barely mobile. Gentlemen, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic puppy. Hope will be that puppy. Better than she was before. Better, stronger, faster.

This two-legged Maltese puppy gets around by using a specially-designed device using wheels from a model airplane. From birth, she was able to get around hardwood floors with ease by pushing off her back legs. However, doctors said that her natural mode of moving eventually would damage her bones and spine. This led them to creating The Six Million Dollar Dog.

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Did it really take this long for the guys at Mule Design to think of a snarky t-shirt involving Web 2.0? I hope not. For $20, this Kool-Aid Man shirt will be in heavy rotation until the next ‘net bubble bursts. Just ask Jerry Yang or Michael Arrington.

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This muscley-looking plastic meat head doesn’t want to kick sand in your face like all of those dudes at the beach. Oh, no. His motive is much more harmless. All he wants to do is light your room with his included Statue of Liberty-esque lamp, and hold onto your iPod or iPhone as it charges. Really, he’s a nice fellow.

Don’t let his rippling white biceps scare you. He’s not here to take advantage of your wife like the paperboy and the poolboy… and the pizza delivery guy… and possibly your brother. Nope. He’s here to lend a helping hand! Standing 12-inches tall, he’s no competition compared to your manly physique. You can buy him yourself for a whopping $200 (ouch!) or you can just, I dunno, get a flashlight and just keep your device on the desk while it charges. (more…)