There’s a million watches out there that’ll make you look like James Bond but few of them feature cellphone functionality. With this phone, you’re getting all the luxuries of a decked out cellphone jam-packed in the comfort of a watch. If you’re not loving the wrist action, this watch can also be worn around the neck, though that’s not very Bond-like.

With 1GB of internal memory, full Bluetooth support, a digital video and audio recorder, organizer, multi-function calculator, alarm clock and pretty much everything else offered in a standard cell phone is included with this watch for $141.88. Everything that is, except for the ladies. When you’re Bond, you’ve got to earn ‘em.

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For those of you not familiar with Maybach, it’s an extreme luxury car produced by Daimler/Mercedes that’s designed for the wealthiest of people. The latest model, the Landaulet, was announced last year and will now be available for order since the car is hand-built. At $1.4 million, you’ll discover that it’s one of the most expensive cars on the planet.

But the Landaulet has a feature that will blow any other vehicle out of the water. The back seats can enjoy a retractable hardtop roof allowing for the back of the car to remain a convertible while the front is protected from the elements. Truly a stunning feature. All the rest of the Maybach nonsense will be on hand, like the seats that recline and Grand Napa leather. If you save up enough Pepsi Points to buy one, let us know how it handles.
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Calling all celebrities and women from Long Island!

Need a new fashion accessory to truly put you ahead of the curve? Try these diamond-encrusted earbuds that go great with your trippy iPod or Discman. Yes, Discman. Regardless of my absurd comments, a bunch of Swarovski crystals glued to some headphones will really show the other ladies who means cougar business. At $60,000 a pair, they damn well better morph into a Mercedes Benz or something equally amazing. But alas, you’ll find yourself cold, lonely and feeling very rich. All while listening to Phil Collins.

“Throwing it all awaaaaayyyyyy”

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None of us can afford a Bentley, but nevertheless, this is a brilliant car. The trunk features an umbrella holder with the backseat sporting a cocktail set complete with shot glasses. The intricacy! The detail! The Arnage Final Series from Bentley is the last run of the Arnage, which was started in 1998. Only 100 of the Final Series will be made and each will be individually numbered. Navigation, satellite system and precision driving. Oh what a day it would be in one of these babies. Too bad that swanky Bentley laptop doesn’t come with the car.

One can dream, right? Pics galore after the jump.
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Wipe your ass with hundreds? Fuck rare breeds of dogs in the Galapagos Islands? Are you married to Carla Bruni? Great. You’re going to love this new bottled water coming soon to your favorite luxury hotel. It’s called Tasmanian Rain and is made with 100-percent real marketing gimmick. Additionally, it also contains rainwater that has, and I quote, “never touched the ground.” Yes. This is some nasty ass rainwater from Tasmania, Australia. Fan-fucking-tastic. You can get some to wash down that foie gras you got at the Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons. Better yet, power your calculator with it so you can waste money whilst counting it.

Oh and you can get it delivered to your home too. $60 for a case of 12 750 ml bottles and $75 for a case of 24 375 ml bottles. What has the world come to?

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Siberia. You’re locked in a vicious poker game worth a $5 million pot. The wind howls outside and wood creaks with every movement. You look at the host. You and him both know that it’s cold and a fire is in order. The fireplace is out of commission, though, so what are you going to do? You could reach for that portable fireplace but you’ll have to forfeit your hand.

Easy! I’ll whip out my tabletop fireplace from Apoll. Sure, it set me back like $675 and shipping but what’s money when you have the warmth of a fire gracing your frozen hands? With Sterno-like fuel and a glass and steel frame, you won’t have any trouble getting some heat out of this gadget.

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Some people have a taste for the luxurious lifestyle while others just like to sit in their money. For the latter, there’s this amazing couch made from 6400 nickels. With over 35,000 welds and 350 feet of stiffing rods, this piece of furniture is truly a work of diligence and patience. The couch weighs about 125 pounds, so bring a friend to help you move it in.

Price is available upon request but you can bet it’ll cost much more than $320. If you have to ask…

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Before we continue, we need to make sure you’re a black rapper with a ton of cash, bitches and no mortgages. If you meet the criteria, then proceed on to learn about an item that will not only make you look good, but will also allow you to wipe your ass with leather if you ever feel like it. Yes, it’s the Bentley laptop and yes, it’s real.

Unlike other high-end laptops (Lamborghini, Ferrari, etc.), this laptop costs significantly more and isn’t exactly the best computer on the market. Aside from the purse-like styling and fancy colored leather, the laptop features a beautiful Bentley logo, Windows Vista, “a 64-bit CPU” and a really lame 160GB hard drive. The price for the name of Bentley plastered on a shit item? $19,943.
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So here’s the biggest load of crap to hit the home entertainment market. The Whitelight Glass Fiber-optic Cable made by Nordost is supposed to deliver the best possible audio to your home theater. Your equipment better consist of McIntosh and nothing less, ’cause a pair of Whitelight cables will run you $32,825. Yes, that’s over thirty thousand dollars. I’m sure even the snobbiest audiophile would scoff at that price. Here’s a list of some stuff you could buy if you spent $25 on a set of gold-plated AV cables and saved the rest:

I love dogs just as much as the next guy. Maybe even more so. But this is just getting a tad bit ridiculous. The Doggy Dream Homes provide your pup with comparatively more space than you probably have in your own home.

The Dream Homes are made using the same materials used to construct your home (and superior materials if you happen to live in a cardboard box like myself.) Complete with add-on features such as an outdoor hot tub and satellite or cable television, your dog will be living the high life. It’s to the point where you’d rather live in the dog house. That’s what we’re talking here. (more…)