Hope is a dog born without front legs. A dog barely mobile. Gentlemen, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic puppy. Hope will be that puppy. Better than she was before. Better, stronger, faster.

This two-legged Maltese puppy gets around by using a specially-designed device using wheels from a model airplane. From birth, she was able to get around hardwood floors with ease by pushing off her back legs. However, doctors said that her natural mode of moving eventually would damage her bones and spine. This led them to creating The Six Million Dollar Dog.

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In recent years, Honda’s robotics division has really taken off. After seeing ASIMO fall down a flight of stairs during CES one year, I pretty much lost all confidence in the company. That is, until I saw this experimental walking assistance device that’s set to be unveiled in Japan this week.

Aimed at the elderly and people with disabilities, it will come in either small, medium or large sizes. With only a two-hour lifespan, this isn’t meant for hiking Everest or trekking through Central Park. However, seniors and the like will find that completing simple tasks like walking to the refrigerator or the corner store will no longer be daunting.

The only issue I really see with this device is that my 84-year-old grandmother will turn into a goddamned Terminator once she straps a set on. Instead of making me a sandwich for lunch, she’ll kill her neighbors with a gardening tool and will think her toaster is Skynet. I’ll learn to deal.

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There’s no hiding the fact that I am completely and utterly useless when it comes to walking long distances. And I don’t think I’m alone. Our legs suffer atrophy from being at our desks so long, but walking is needed sometimes. The Paraseat offers a way for us lazy heads to stop every twenty seconds or so to take a break.

The Paraseat is actually a portable seat with a handle that is made to latch on to poles, including those on the subway! You might look a little funny, but you’ll have the last laugh when the other people left without a chair start buckling in the knees. — Andrew Dobrow

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OK, this fire-breathing jumping robot may not be the most productive of the bunch or have any true purpose, but damn it is cool looking. The spider features legs that can be controlled independently of each other with an airbag on its bottom which allows it to jump two feet in the air.

If you’re looking for functionality, look somewhere else, but if you want something that is pure badass, beer chugging, metal rock and roll, the spider robot will be the highlight of any metal head’s gadget collection. You can even throw it on your lawn to ward off those damn kids that bring their dogs on your yard to do their business. If one of them happens to get burnt, just blame it on technological advancement. Check out a vid after the jump.

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