RECORD EXECUTIVE: Biz, we need a new hit. Any way you can integrate McDonald’s into it? We get a check every time you mention french fries.

BIZ MARKIE: OK OK, I GOT IT! How about we take some fries and merge it with a phone and shit, and then next thing ya know, you got the french fry phone!

REC: Hmm, but do you think it’ll play well into today’s urban youth?

BIZ: Fo’ sure, boyyyyyy!

REC: Alright. Let’s roll with this fucker. For a promotional item, we’ll come up with a phone that’s shaped like some french fries.

BIZ: Didn’t they do that shit in that flick Juno?

REC: No, no…that was a hamburger phone I believe.

BIZ: Off the chain!

REC: Right. Let’s get this to market. I’m thinking free or $18 for people who will actually pay for it. You’re a genius, Biz! Have any ketamine?

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Apparently, eco-friendly WiFi routers aren’t the only thing D-Link is in to. The FuChat, as it so appropriately named, is a cordless phone capable of making internet and land-line phone calls. That’s not all, this phone also has the function to detect changes of tone in a person’s voice and changes in body temperature, alerting the user of their current emotional state through an emoticon on the phone’s exterior, almost like the Robometer. The phone is made up of biodegradable plastic (that’s good for the environment, folks).

We can only imagine tampering with this phone to make it respond to emotions via audio samples. “You’re being an emotional cunt” and “quit your whining, sissy” are some examples of responses I’d love to see this phone tell its user. Anger management problems? This is the phone for you.
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