This morning, time stood still as I came upon this article on how a team of researchers at Rice University in Houston are working to create a beer that could fight cancer and heart disease. They’re genetically engineering a beer that includes resveratrol, a disease-fighting chemical that can been found in red wine.

These folks deserve the Nobel Prize in awesomeness. Before now, beer has always been that drink that tasted great, made you feel like a million bucks and left you with a gut and a bad hangover. Now, it does all of those things in addition to promoting a healthy heart. Fuck eating Cheerios; drink beer instead.

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Now you can complete that dream picnic you’ve always wanted with your very own inflatable salad bar. Blow it up, throw some ice in it and you’re set to keep your veggies cold while you and your friends get wasted and stumble around on your lawn. It’s only $30 and doubles as a flotation device/sperm catcher.

You call it an inflatable salad bar. I call it an inflatable raft glued to a table.

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