My emotions aren’t the only thing I wear on my sleeve. No, I’m not some 14-year-old emo kid, I’m not talking about bandages around my wrists so don’t go calling the psych ward just yet. I’m talking about these awesome Master Chief Cufflinks. They go perfectly with my Master Chief jewelry.
Ok, NOW you can go call the psych ward.
There’s a new trend gliding through the air and it smells like pony shit. The last few weeks have produced some of the coolest gaming mash-up toys we’ve ever seen, thanks to the integration of popular game characters and My Little Pony dolls. We’ve seen a bunch in the last weeks, but we can honestly say this has become some sort of awesome trend. Don’t fuck it up hipsters!
This Hayabusa Halo My Little Pony doll might not be as cool as a Master Chief doll, but it still has that angular Halo aesthetic that the ladies just go gaga over (not really).
Say you and your Halo-loving girlfriend want to take that next step in your relationship. The holy union of Halo companionship is unbreakable by most any trolling. It’s a proposal she won’t be able to refuse.
The $175 Halo ring, inspired by Master Chief’s Mark IV Spartan helmet, isn’t what you’d call cheap, but it is a lot cheaper than a diamond, and potentially just as precious. Hey dude, if she doesn’t dig this as much as a diamond than she doesn’t deserve you!
While the act of sticking Master Chief’s head in your mouth might not be the most appetizing thought of all time, these Halo 3 Donut Balls look good enough to eat. And luckily, they are actually edible.
The complex and detailed donut holes were designed by Jenny from Hot N Creamy Donuts. If your lucky, your mom will have them sent express to your basement bedroom.
The ultimate insult in gaming constitutes killing your opponent, squatting over the opponents corpse and placing your digital balls in their digital face. This is known as teabagging. The phenomenon also exists in frat houses and at drunken house parties.
The Halo Teabag tee illustrates the iconic move quite perfectly. For $19.95, you to can own a shirt featuring the ultimate in homoerotic embarrassment.
Fact: Master Chief won the “Best Dressed” superlative in his graduating class’s yearbook.
Quite a stud, Master Chief was. Quite a stud indeed. And apparently an athlete. I see he earned his varsity letter. Assuming he didn’t threaten the varsity coach with a head shot. More Master Chief nostalgia after the jump.
This Halo-inspired messenger bag actually looks like a real marine used it. It has that rough, rugged look to it and proudly features the UNSC logo on the side, ensuring that you’re not associated with The Flood. At $36, it’s a great gift for the Halo fan in your family. There’s enough room for an Xbox 360 controller, all the Halo games and an eighth of marijuana. Sweet!
While Halo Wars continues to be developed in the dark, a new video has popped up showcasing some beautiful cut scenes as well as game play. Does it look like a Starcraft killer? No, but it looks fun as hell building bases and riding warthogs around like a drunken sailor. I’ll hold my judgment for when a playable demo comes out.
Teenagers will be pleased to hear that Bungie will be making a big announcement at the Tokyo Game Show next week. Will it have to do with Halo 3 or will it be an entirely new game? Most of the news outlets are saying it’ll be an extension of Halo 3, possibly even an expansion of some sort. Either way, you need to shave those freshly grown pubes, drink your first cup of coffee and get ready to game.
It appears that Protestant churches around the country are using Halo 3 as a recruiting tool to draw in young congregants. This comes despite it’s violent subject matter and mature ESRB rating. Naturally, this development has many churchgoers in an uproar, but supporters argue that Halo is an effective tool in “reaching the elusive audience of boys and young men”–a crucial demographic. So, if you want old people, set up Bingo night. If you want young people, set up a Halo 3 tournament.
Does the fact that Halo 3 helps recruit young men into the congregation justify it’s use in church? According to James Tonkwich, president of the Institute on Religion and Democracy–”If you want to connect with young teenage boys and drag them into church, free alcohol and pornographic movies would do it. My own take is that you could do better than that.” Not necessarily buddy, I like your first idea.—Sean Fallon
