Gearfuse

You know how sometimes your girlfriend will just blather on and on about completely nothing when all you really want is for her to shut her dirty pie hole? You could tell her to zip-it and likely get a bitch-slap in response, or you can be slightly more subtle and offer her this trendy Zip-It Zipper Necklace in exchange for her silence.

Inspired by people who just can’t shut their mouths, the Zip-It Necklace is the generous way of telling someone to shut the fuck up. The necklaces are made from 100% authentic zippers so only the finest zippering action should be expected. You can choose from antique gold and antique silver (both 12″ long) or polished silver (13.5″ long). The going rate is $50. Surely less expensive than that diamond pendant she’s been running her mouth about.

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In more depressing news, nerdy engineer Drew Burrows has created a 2-D virtual image projected from the ceiling to your bedsheets called: INBED. Reminiscent of the virtual guard dog, this 2-D image interacts via “infrared sensitive” light, making it respond to various actions you’d do to a loved one while laying in the sack. Except for sex.

As for satisfying those not-so-innocent late-night desires, this lady adheres to her role as steady girlfriend. Give her a kiss on the cheek and she rolls over and buries her face in the pillow. And yes, she stays fully clothed at all times.

I’m still going to hump the mattress like it’s my job.

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