Gearfuse

They should have used a real ape. And a real princess. And a real superhero plumber (not you Joe).

Video after the jump.

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OK, look, I know I was just saying how much of a futuristic geek I am, but it seems I’m more stuck in my retro roots than I originally thought. All the proof I needed was the boner I got when I saw these awesome Asteroids Wall Decals. I remember first jamming out to Asteroids on a vintage Atari 2600 (a little before my time, so it was indeed a legacy machine). What can I say, it was love.

Anyway, these wall decals would look bangin’ in my home office. I know interior design is supposed to be the hobby of woman and womanly men, but count me in if we’ll be playing with decals like this. Grab your own “Space Rocks” decal set for $44.95.

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Good vs. evil. Man vs. wild. Pirates vs. ninjas. The classic battles of humankind. For generations, men have debated whether pirates or ninjas were more bad ass than the other. For once, we might have an answer!

The Pirates vs. Ninjas Checkers Set embattles the two warriors from the comfort of your coffee table. Each set is handmade. Both large and small pieces are sold with the included set, the large pieces signifying “kinged” pieces.

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Can you take advantage of a suffering economy before your 401k dries up? Can you snatch up enough foreclosed real estate before your rivals own all of the marbles? Well, the few marbles left that is.

Thus is the challenge you face playing Monopoly: Recession Edition. This fully-fictional board game allows for a modernly accurate gameplay experience. What other chance might you have to own Bank of America? Just watch out for collections!

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How the Tony Hawk video game franchise keeps chugging along is beyond me, especially with the release of Skate 2. So to keep things fresh, the latest incarnation of the franchise, titled Tony Hawk RIDE, will feature an actual skateboard controller. See it down there? With all the buttons on the side? How the fuck is this thing going to work? I’m curious to find out. Look for it to hit the PS3, 360 and Wii sometime this year.

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The Retro Mini is a handheld device with a 2.4″ LCD screen that is actually compatible with full-sized NES cartridges. No emulation needed here. Four AA batteries gives you eight hours of battery time. The Mini also features built in speakers, a headphone jack and a composite AV out cables for playing the games on a TV set. Sexy handheld retro gaming for $49.99.

Because sometimes we just need to hold it right in our hands. Know what I’m saying? Huh, huh, boys? Yeah, get outta here ya little bastard.

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So, you haven’t been able to find that perfect USB hub to extend your peripheral horizons, yet you’ve been looking for what feels like decades. Forget about the middleman. There’s no need to buy a hub from a third-party as long as you’ve got some time, around $30 and a little technical prowess.

The SNES Game Cartridge USB Hub is versatile enough to be used as both a computer hub or just a standard gamepad for running all of your pirated classic favorites on an emulator. One of the coolest parts of a project like this is that it’s so personal. You can choose any SNES game you want. Pick your favorite or make it humorous (Shaq-Fu, anyone?). It’s your call. Check out a less “artsy” photo after the jump.

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My words cannot do this rare NES joystick test cartridge justice. Instead, allow ’80s rocker Billy Squier to describe what you’d normally do after acquiring this game:

Now everybody have you heard
If you’re in the game, then the stroke’s the word
Don’t take no rhythm, don’t take no style
Got a thirst for killin’, grab your vile…

You put your right hand out give a firm hand-shake
Talk to me about that one big break…
Spread your ear-pollution both far and wide…
Keep your contributions by your side and stroke me,
stroke me
Could be a winner boy, you move quite well…
You got your number down…
Say you’re a winner but man you’re just a sinner now

You put your left foot out keep it all in place…
Work your way right into my case
First you try to bed me you make my backbone slide
But when you found you bled me– skip on by…
keep on—stroke me, stroke me
Give me the business all night long…
You’re so together boy…
Say you’re a winner but man you’re just a sinner now

Better listen now (said) it ain’t no joke
Let your conscience fail ya, just do the stroke
Don’tcha take no chances keep your eye on top
Do your fancy dances you can’t stop you just stroke me,
stroke me

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Congratulations asshole. You can solve a Rubik’s Cube in negative .802934 seconds. Now go choke or something. And by “or something” we of course mean you should move onto something a little more challenging so we can point and laugh at your frustration. The insanely and overly difficult Petaminx, created by Andrew Cormier, was designed using 975 individual parts and 1,212 stickers. The whole production process took around 75 hours, which happens to be the amount of time it’ll probably take you to solve the damn thing.

And sure enough, the whole creation process is documented, so if you were so inclined, and nerdy enough, you could create your very own Rubik’s-inspired puzzle of death. In fact, I think the word Petaminx is French for “don’t even fucking bother.”

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iPhone developer Steven Troughton-Smith updated his iPhone port of Doom to not only take advantage of the iPhone’s TV-out features but also utilize its touchscreen as an interface for the game. Why he decided to display the game on an old monochrome Apple II monitor is beyond me. We get it, Steven: you love Apple.

For now, there are no plans for adding TV-out to the public Doom build for the iPhone, although Steven says that he’s open to investigating the possibility. We just wanted to show you in order to get your hopes up and maybe encourage you to drop Steven a line persuading him to do what we all know is right.

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