The video game industry comes up with a lot of crap. But now and then, there comes a game which everyone holds their breathe for, anticipating its release like a child on his birthday waiting for gifts. Then the inevitable shoot down, when you realize all you’ve gotten for a whole year of being a spoiled brat is a lousy sweater. That is the feeling these would-be games give us. We’ve limited the list down to five secure choices that poked at our consciousness and caused our anxiety to run a muck. Hit the jump to dive in:

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The crew over at InventorSpot decided to name five keyboards they thought were beat up with an ugly stick. We’re talking about keyboards you wouldn’t be caught dead with on your desk. And after checking out all five, we can see why. The Hello Kitty keyboard reminds me of AIDS mixed with a pile of bile and pink frosting. And the Luxeed keyboard? Please. It looks like a lava lamp threw up all over it and it costs an absurd $127.00 to boot! You won’t find anything beautiful like the Optimus Maximus here.Hit the link below to check out the full list. That is, if your stomach can handle it.

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Emilie Darrigade is the world’s youngest tattoo artist. Having worked on her father’s tattoo at the age of five in a Montreal tattoo parlor while under the supervision of expert tattooist Robin Labreche, Emilie managed to fill in a black and yellow bumble bee on her father’s arms without going outside of the lines. Excellent Emilie. You get a gold star!  Emilie also plans on working on her father’s next tattoo: a skull with cross bones and fire.

Though spectators claim she can handle the gun fairly well despite its weight, there is no way in hell I’d ever go under the needle with this girl behind it. Only her father would be crazy/cool enough to do that.
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Anyone who grew up in the ’80s remembers Johnny Five of Short Circuit. The perfect killing machine with absolutely no desire to kill after having disbanded its deadly laser beam weaponry in favor of a pocket knife. Yea, Johnny Five’s a robo-boy scout but his redeeming quality is his vast knowledge of pop-culture. As tribute to the friendliest librarian robot around, Brickshelf user rack911 has constructed a Johnny Five model out of LEGOs and other compatible bricks.

Johnny Five says,

“It’s the all-new Johnny Five! Just look at these items! Increased memory: five hundred megabytes on-line! I come with a utility pack and dozens of gadgets for outdoor living, lots of Greenpeace stickers, and even my own Nike swoosh! And, if you act now, I’ll throw in, absolutely free, my all-new, multi-frequency remote control!”

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