If you spend all of the time you used to spend exercising checking all of your shiny social media sites, chances are you’re starting to look a little lumpy. But there’s a solution!
The New (Media) Workout Plan encourages fitness and geekiness working in tandem. Every time you open up a new tab to check one of these sites, perform the listed exercise. I’m going to be doing sit-ups, arm circling and jogging in place all fucking day.
Hey, fatty / string bean / muscle man / average weight person or otherwise. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Why must you lie to yourself? You think you’re so healthy, but trust me, there must be something wrong with you. And whatever it is, you bet your ass the Overall Health Balance Scale finds it and taunts you with it.
To be honest, there are other scales that might take the same exact measurements. The Overall device measures your weight, BMI, subcutaneous fat ratio, organ fat level, muscle level, and basal metabolic rate, but does it stop there? Psh, of course not. This little bugger goes even further, grading your health in each category on a five point scale, and then offering you a overall health rating based on your age. If your plump paunch is so large in circumference that you can’t read the digital read out, an easy-to-read screen is able to be read at eye level. That is, if you haven’t already lost your upper limbs to diabetes.
