Are you an overwhelming fat ass that just can’t shred those pounds because going to the gym is another chore on your list of things you won’t do?  Well, your prayers have been answered! The Vibro Shape slimming belt is said to rid you of your beer-belly in favor of some sexy washboard abs. The belt can also be used on the shoulders, hips, and thighs for a full body workout and a safe auto timer will turn the unit off after 15 minutes to prevent the heat from burning more than just your fat.

A $26 belt that “melts” your fat away with vibration and heat is every couch potato’s dream. Nerds will certainly be in dire need of one of these when Wrath of the Lich King hits store shelves. It’s a damn shame vibrating weight-loss equipment like these never work, otherwise they’d have a heftier price tag.

Link (via)

Hey, fatty / string bean / muscle man / average weight person or otherwise. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Why must you lie to yourself? You think you’re so healthy, but trust me, there must be something wrong with you. And whatever it is, you bet your ass the Overall Health Balance Scale finds it and taunts you with it.

To be honest, there are other scales that might take the same exact measurements. The Overall device measures your weight, BMI, subcutaneous fat ratio, organ fat level, muscle level, and basal metabolic rate, but does it stop there? Psh, of course not. This little bugger goes even further, grading your health in each category on a five point scale, and then offering you a overall health rating based on your age. If your plump paunch is so large in circumference that you can’t read the digital read out, an easy-to-read screen is able to be read at eye level. That is, if you haven’t already lost your upper limbs to diabetes.

(more…)

I’ve had girlfriends in the past that have been utterly terrified of the scale. They’d rather be seen wearing this hat in public than know how much they weigh (and god forbid if I were to glance over their shoulder and glimpse a digit or two.) We can only imagine that MiBody would be those ladies’ equivalent of the apocalypse. And we shudder to think what could happen if they ever hear of DoCoMo’s ego-crushing phone.

Not only does the MiBody scale tell you your weight, but goes on to badger you about your body fat, body water, muscle mass, BMI, BMR, and probably other nasty abbreviations starting with ‘B’. MiBody even has the nerve to offer you USB transfer of these stats to your computer. As if you want to know how much larger your waist line is growing. Shove it up your ass, MiBody! Everyone can’t have that conceptual super-thin black sleekness that your body does! — Andrew Dobrow

Link [via]

The touchscreen community has been pretty unsympathetic to the fat fingered crowd. For people with sausage sized digits, pressing one key on a touchscreen keypad is usually accompanied with the pressing of a second button and the escape of a fucking expletive from their lips.

The TAD Custom Finger Mod slides a ring on your finger with an attached screen poker for easier keypad navigation for those of us with bloated paws. They offer up to size 0.7-inches, so anything higher than that and you either have to lose some weight or get some dialysis to relieve that water weight. Get yours for $6. — Andrew Dobrow

Link [via]

We really have no idea what the inventor was thinking about, when we’re having image problems we already feel bad enough about ourselves and the last thing we need is a machine to rub it in! Tanita is going to start selling this weight measurer that not only tells you how overweight you are, but also your body fat content, muscle ratio and your baseline metabolic rate (in terms of calories per day). If you are still not convinced, you can remove the thumbdrive from the weight balance, plug it into your computer, synchronize with your program and you’ll have large colorful graphs on the screen reminding you just how much you’ve been eating (see the pics below). If that is still not enough, you can compare results with up to 4 family members! If this thing ever sells, expect some surge in domestic violence rates.

(more…)