Nowadays, everything has got to be compact and portable. If it isn’t, you might as well throw it out with the rest of the unnecessarily obtuse crap. Here’s something everyone shouldn’t leave home without: a portable Intensive Care Unit. It’s got all you need jam packed in a suitcase-sized carrying case. An integrated ventilator with CO2 & O2 monitoring, ECG, invasive and non-invasive blood pressure monitoring, low and high rate infusion pumps with a fluid warmer, and that’s not even the half of it.

This thing can even be hooked up to a printer, just in case you need to print out an electrocardiogram. So, the next time you wake up in a bathtub full of ice with two scars over where your kidneys should be, you better hope you didn’t leave yours at home.

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Band-Aids are great for covering cuts, scrapes, and assorted battle wounds to protect from infection, but isn’t it time we mixed some 21st century ingenuity into the old “cover it up and pray for a clean heal” mentality?

UK startup Toumaz Technology is working on a band-aid that can monitor your vitals using a 800-900MHz wireless chip, and costing less than $5 a piece. The chip is programmed to transmit your electrocardiogram, a three-axis accelerometer, blood glucose, ph-level blood pressure, and what not to your doctor. And remember, Band-Aids aren’t groupies, they only give blow jobs (go watch Almost Famous, I promise it’s a funny reference). — Andrew Dobrow

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