Gearfuse

Everybody’s favorite crisped pork fat dish, with a side of fried chicken hatchling, is the star of this felt iPhone case / pouch / inedible tease. Breakfast is one of the geekiest meals of the day, just because the inclusion of bacon, maybe with a dash of Jolt cola for that AM buzz.

The handcrafted case makes me hungry just thinking about it. Seriously. The $35 price tag is a little more steep than I’m used to, but for bacon, I’d do almost anything.

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Alright chief. We have five minutes and I mean exactly five minutes to get these six hard boiled eggs to Mayor Bloomberg. You can’t lose them and if they fall on the ground, we’re finished I tell ya. The man needs his breakfast. Here, use my special egg suitcase for the task. It’ll hold all six of Bloomy’s eggs in one basket so to speak. Great joke, right? Wrong! Now get going officer. The fate of New York City rests in your hands. But before you go, let me ask you something:

Which came first? The chicken or the egg suitcase?

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Stop the presses. Just fucking stop them. It’s February, it’s cold out and bacon and eggs remain the undisputed king of breakfast. You need a scarf made from eggs and bacon if you’re going to even think about keeping your credibility around in this town. And the best part is, you’re supporting Etsy seller TheHappyCrocheter, who makes each scarf by hand once an order is placed. This ensures both quality and a unique style of craftsmanship that is hard to find nowadays. Did we mention there’s bacon involved? OK, thought so.

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Eggs are a great way to start your morning, just don’t sit on my couch. Though I’d like to know how they got the eggs on the side to stay in place…

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Those who’ve see Pee Wee’s Big Adventure will know that when it comes to breakfast preparation, Mr. Herman was on top of his game. While the average man among us might not be able to rig up a breakfast assembly line like Pee Wee, the Egg & Muffin Toaster is one step closer to the same sort of inventive meal making

The TEM4500 Egg & Muffin Toaster lovingly prepares a full breakfast, complete with two boiled or poached eggs, as well as 4 pieces of toasted bread, muffin, or what ever you can fit into the toaster’s extra wide slits, in an impressive 4 minutes, but not nearly as impressive as the fan-powered Heinz Beans And Toast Maker. Get yours for $60. — Andrew Dobrow

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