Gearfuse

So you think you’re real smooth jailbreaking your iPhone, huh? Really pulled the wool over the eyes of Apple, you did. Dutch jailbreakers beware. A hacker from the Netherlands was recently able to conive a series of Dutch iPhone users into using his software to “jailbreak” their device. When the supposed jailbreak is complete and the phone is rebooted, users receive this message: “Important Warning: You iPhone’s been hacked because it’s really insecure! Please visit doiop.com/iHacked and secure your iPhone right now! Right now, I can access all your files. This message won’t disappear until your iPhone’s secure.” Riiiiiiight. D’oh!

Users are asked to deposit $5 into a PayPal account in return for a promised solution for unhacking the device, most likely just a factory reset of the phone. This is a warning to all you jailbreakers out there. Shit can happen. Be safe. The Force is with you.

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Guess who has a lot of free time and loves toys? If you said the Dutch government, you’d be correct my friend. These dudes love to build toy helicopters, attach sensors that sniff out cannabis and seek the stuff out in fields around the country. Seriously? You guys need a helicopter to find marijuana? It’s really not all that hard. Just throw a few matches into a field, let it burn and if you smell pot, success! If there isn’t pot, well, shit. Nice work on torching a field.

So growers beware. If you see a helicopter of any sort near your property, you’d best start running.

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You’d think this mobile park bench was made by IKEA with its simple design and detailed instruction set for how to build it. Ironically, the creator is artist Rogier Martens, who happens to be Dutch. Did you know the parent company of IKEA is a Dutch-registered foundation known as INGKA Holding? Coincidence? I think not.

This is the ideal park bench for when certain areas of the park become too crowded or noisy. You go to the park to relax in a peaceful atmosphere. If you can’t find peace in one area, try another.

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This lighter not only is huge but it tells all the ladies that you’re stacked. It’s able to light a blunt in a heartbeat and it can’t fit in your tight jean pockets. No matter, because this lighter says it all. You could light a lady’s cigarette by flipping out the huge one but why not just stuff it in your pants? You’ll get laid either way with this Zippo.
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Kids love colorful shit that looks like it’s right out of the early 1990s. Case in point: Swinx. Swinx is supposedly a game system designed by the Dutch that interacts with children. Your kids run around with these RFID-enabled colored wristbands and a clover-shaped base station alerts children to the game they’ll be playing.

Sound confusing? That’s because we’re not children. Kids eat this shit up, trust me. It involves bright colors, running around like a wreck loose and pissing your pants. You call it Swinx. I call it Saturday night.

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