Gearfuse

I have a major drinking problem. And that problem is that I can’t sit back with a chilly brew when I’m on the move. Whether I’m at work or waiting for the the train, I need a constant flow of beer flowing down my gullet and until now that just wasn’t possible unless I wanted to carry around one of those hobo specials, the brown bags of wonder. Because lord knows I can’t carry around my usual beer stein.

The Port-A-Pint collapsible beer cup has saved me from many a desperate situations. Passing a kegger party and totally cupless? No more! Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

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The next time you head off to a baseball game, concert or event in a park, try bringing one of these nifty disposable flasks. They cost a mere $2.55 each, so they won’t break your wallet. The best part is that they initially come flat and grow bigger with more liquid, making it easier to stuff into your crotch right before the security checkpoint.

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Have $25 and drink a ton of beer at parties? Slap down a Lincoln and Jackson and pick up this Chug Meter glass. It measures how much you can chug in one shot, essentially showing the world that you’re either a beer drinking champion or a big pussy.

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Drinking is always fun, but finding creative new ways to get smashed never ceases to please. The Shotcarver is a $12 gizmo that will instantly carve a shot glass out of anything that’s malleable. Have an apple? Carve that core out and load it up with 99 Apples. Boom. The next time it snows in your area, pack up a snow ball, freeze it in your freeze and carve out a shot glass later on.

I actually really dig this thing. It’s inexpensive and a fun way to get the night going. What more could you ask for?

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Does that special alcoholic in your life complain about how you so rarely smell like you’ve been drenched in booze? No longer with Beer Soap! Made with an assortment of smelly ingredients and a wide-range of beers, Beer Soap is the only personal washing material guaranteed to give you a buzz if eaten. (Admittedly, there are easier ways to do this.)

In other words, don’t be washing out your kid’s mouth with this stuff. Save it for washing out your own. Available in a nice variety of lagers, including Foster’s, Guinness and Samuel Adams.

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We’ve fooled around with a few alcoholic holsters in the past. Frankly, they all felt sort of empty. What’s a holster without a high-powered weapon? Sure, we still had multiple cans of beer to keep us busy, but we need to be shooting something WHILE we drink to really feel like real men.

The Beer Blaster allows you to literally shotgun a beer for a friend. Even if drinking beer from a plastic gun doesn’t sound like a good time (but really, how could that not be awesome?), you’re free to mingle through your party or barbecue, randomly shooting loved ones with booze when you feel like it. The Blaster itself will set you back $22. An accompanying holster costs $10 and the partnered belt costs $12. If you’re in the mood for something a little harder, give this a try. More pics and a promo video after the jump. (more…)

“Lord Thunderbrew requests you slay 5 rabbits in Darkshore. Your reward will be beer.”

Sweet! You’re going to get drunk in WoW, but what about real life? After all, the more beer you chug, the better the women look. Do it up properly with this $90 World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King beer stein. It was designed by Italian illustrator Alex Horley and features some kind of epic battle going down. Like I said, this is for the serious drunkard.

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Brad Toemel was either in a badass fraternity during his college tenure or maybe he’s just an alcoholic bum. Either way, his 8-foot sculpture called FOUNTAIN is a wonder to behold in one’s eyes. It’s made from a shitload of Miller Lite, Keystone Light, PBR, Budweiser and Miller High Life cans, paying tribute to America’s love of binge drinking. It’s also scattered with tea lights to give it a glowing effect. Nice work, Brad. Let’s get a drink sometime. You’re buying.

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Do me a favor, champ. Before you go out hunting today, have a shot of bourbon with me. You see, old chap, that bourbon warms the soul and brings luck about the hunt between man and beast. Ah, yes! There’s the burn! Don’t you love these campy shot glasses I picked up with animal head covers? There’s the bear, the bull, the moose, the rhino and the deer. And I’ve killed them all, by golly!

How much did I pay for these exquisite glasses? $32, but they’re worth it. They double as candleholders and illuminate my lodge at night.

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That tequila shooting pistol we wrote about was child’s play compared to this real shot gun. No, not shotgun — shot gun. It’s a gun that shoots shots of booze wherever you aim it. It’s called the Shots Gun Drink Dispenser and it’s sure to be the life of any party.

What makes it so rad is it can fit on any bottle of liquor. Simply slot the holster on to a bottle of your favorite drink, begin pumping the pump-action lever and you’ll be well on your way to getting messed up beyond all recognition. It’s cheap, too. 22 dollars to spray booze all over the place? A steal compared to the $10 cover at P.J. Welihans.

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