If your dog suddenly starts showing up at home smelling of cigar smoke and brandy, it might be using one of these Mustache Chew Toys. When bitten just right, it makes your dog look like a dignified British diplomat. Hilarity ensues.
Apparently, symptoms also include a slight brown discoloration of a nipple or two. Seriously, what the hell is with that. You’d think they’d screen these models.
If you’re a double amputee, congratulations, you get a free pass. No fetch playing for you. But if you’re a pet owner lucky enough to own two or even one functioning arm their is absolutely no reason to own this Dog Ball Fetch Machine unless you’re extremely lazy or if you want to offer your dog constant, albeit tedious, entertainment.
Long after you become tired, the fetching machine will keep your dog busy, catapulting tennis balls between 15 and 30 feet, based on an interval you set. As long as your dog knows how to dump the ball back into the machine, the fun can continue indefinitely, or at least until your dog collapses from exhaustion.
Are you a fan of Harry Potter or do you just have a really freaky bestiality fantasy? Both fanboys, disturbed and literary, should be satisfied with this photo of a dog wearing a three-headed costume, akin to Hagrid’s very own Fluffy from the Harry Potter series.
Attached to a harness, this costume actually seems less tortuous than other forms of animal-wear. There’s not much detail of where you can actually purchase such a costume or how-to make your own, but left to your own devices, I’m sure you’ll be fine if you put your mind to it.
There’s nothing quite as playful as walking around with a stuffed puppy dog that happens to be deep-throating your cellphone.
These Stuffed Animal Cellphone Cases allow you to shove your cellphone down a dog’s throat without being reported to animal services. Maybe the ASPCA can add these to their merchandise collection.
The novelty of having a PetEgo Pet / Laptop Backpack hybrid might wear off soon after you realize your beloved pooch has been charred by your recently charged notebook. The Asians love it, but for Westerners? Not so much.
But as long as their is a generous amount of padding between the two, this is actually a really neat idea. I’m kind of sick of carrying around my dog in a purse anyway. You can only look so manly walking around with a Yorkie Poo in a purse. Even if you ARE wearing a cowboy hat.
While your puppy might not have actual opposable thumbs fit for walking hand in hand, who’s to say that the canine doesn’t wish they could have contact when they sniff around for their preferred spot to shit. I know that having my Vietnamese house boy hold my hand helps me evacuate my bowels.
The Hand-Shaped Dog Leash allows you to feel a little less impersonal with your dog, adding a fake hand in place of the usual leash handle. Even if you’re totally alone and your dog thinks you smell, you can feel somewhat loved.
Remember when you were young? Days filled with school, pencils and dog anuses? Ahh, the good old days. I remember it like it were yesterday. Wait a second, that’s because it was yesterday! Thanks to these Dog Pencil Sharpeners. With the help of a mighty pet rectum, our pencils are never dull.
The funny this is, we don’t even use pencils! It’s totally for sexual pleasure entertainment value and that old feeling of nostalgia. There’s nothing quite like reliving the days of anally penetrating our pets with sharp writing utensils. Especially when it only costs $14.99. And for you kitty fans, there’s a cat flavor as well. Check it after the jump. (more…)
Paranoid pet owners rejoice! No longer should you fear scenarios such as biblical floods. With this collar you and your dog will be prepared for anything. Remarkably, the collar is illuminated by LEDs around the neck to make finding your pet during the nighttime an ease. This feature is solar-powered, however, so at night it might not even work. Bummer.
More importantly, the collar features a safety function in the form of an integrated humidity sensor that detects moisture and, in the event that your pet is submerged in water, automatically triggers on board CO2 cartridges that turn the collar in to a flotation device. Why rely on Noah and his cruddy ark when we could just equip these collars on two of every animal on our planet?
Straight out of Hell and right under your Christmas tree is this hotter than Hell KISS-themed I-Dog. Who rocks harder than KISS? That’s right: no one. The dog sports Gene Simmons’ Demon face paint, but also shows some love to Paul Stanley with stars for the Star Child.
It plays back music via a built-in speaker and also puts on an electronic light show, all for just 30 bucks. If this dog was a real supporter of KISS, it’d drop the sassy light show and get to work on some pyrotechnics.
Despite this woman’s smug look, this could be considered animal cruelty. If it is, it’s perhaps the coolest-looking animal cruelty out there. It would take an impeccable amount of grooming skill to style your dogs hair in order to make it look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. In this case, its Leonardo.
Cleverly dubbed “Leonardoodle,” this poor dog is forced to bend to its master’s will, even if that means looking ridiculous. Hey, I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just as much as the next guy, maybe even more. That doesn’t mean you’ll find me shaving my dog down to the skin to make it look like Splinter.
