New spy cam software has been compared to scramble suits worn by narcotics officers in Philip K Dick’s novel/movie A Scanner Darkly. No one wants their own mug shown in some criminal surveillance video simply because you became an anecdote for “the wrong place at the wrong time.” With this new software, faces will be blurred and encrypted; protecting the identity of anyone innocent that is caught on camera. So, just because some other guy seems to be proceeding through life like “a cat without whiskers perpetually caught behind the refrigerator” doesn’t mean you have to suffer for it.

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Problem: Richard Gaywood has an Xbox Live Account with the username “RichardGaywood.” This is a legitimate use of a gamertag. Microsoft gets a complaint about Dick Gaywood’s name and his handle is removed.

Solution: Your name is Dick Gaywood, dude. I really suggest getting your name changed.

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Normally, when new USB drive hits the market, it’s not cause for concern in the slightest. But I have a feeling that this particular one-gigabyte drive will not only turn heads like that $300,000 watch you wish you owned, but will also encourage females to hop on your genitalia and ride you like a ferris wheel.

Now look at that box. What would you guess is inside? Take a guess.

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