The Phoenix Mars Lander has given NASA and scientists an unimaginable amount of information. It discovered both water and snow on Mars and has helped paved the way for exploring for life in outer space. But all good things must come to an end and after a Martian dust storm, combined with the harsh winter conditions on the surface of the planet, the time has come for the Phoenix to shut down and die. NASA has declared the mission officially over and the lander is now shut off and dead.

If you’ll recall, the mission cost about $475 million. I think you’ll have to agree that it was money well spent considering what we discovered. I call dibs on the lander wheels when we all move to Mars in 2056.

Link

Is this some kind of a sick joke? This knitted doll looks nothing like me. Well, maybe the hair. Regardless, Hannah J. Simpson made this knitted Ash doll that’s supposed to be me, but doesn’t look a thing like me. Good thing she’s not selling these, otherwise you’d be getting ripped off.

Buying a doll with my name on it that lacks the rugged Latin features which truly characterize myself is like buying a monotone soccer ball. No flavor, no spun-wait a second…

…Is this supposed to be Ash Williams from the Evil Dead movies? It all makes sense, now.

Link [via]

Steve Jobs is dead. Steve Jobs is not dead. Steve Jobs is sick. Steve Jobs is not sick. I’m sick of this shit.

Clearly, Steve Jobs is immortal and all this news of his demise is a load of cow dung. Who makes this crap up anyway? The SEC tracked down the little bastard responsible, who just so happens to be an 18-year-old kid with nothing better to do.

Blogger and dickhead “Johntw” wrote:

“I have an insider who tells me that paramedics were called after Steve claimed to be suffering from severe chest pains and shortness of breath,” the author wrote. “My source has opted to remain anonymous, but he is quite reliable.”

Quite reliable for a source that never existed, don’t you think? Will we ever see these fabrications of poor Jobs’ put to an end? So long as he’s the anchor holding Apple’s stock, you can expect more of these falsehoods to make an appearance. Good thing Steve Jobs is immortal.

Link [via]

Bet that headline scared you a bit, eh? Now imagine you’re an Apple shareholder and you’re reading Bloomberg, one of the most respected financial journals in the world. Apple is lucky it didn’t lose a quarter of it’s value after Bloomberg ran an obituary for Steve Jobs by accident. The gaffe was reported on last night and although Bloomberg has retracted the obit, you can read the whole thing at Gawker. It’s a bit morose but overall, the article outlines the history of Steve Jobs better than Wikipedia ever did.

Link

For those not familiar with the Dead Sea Scrolls, they are the only known surviving copies of Biblical documents made before 100 AD. So, it’d be nice to try and preserve them in any way possible. What better way to insure its longevity than the immortal internet? Now, not only is the oldest Hebrew record of the Old Testament discovered to date, it’s now the first ever to be put on public display on the Internet.

“The project will involve the documentation of all of the thousands of Dead Sea Scrolls fragments belonging to about 900 manuscripts, and placing them in an Internet databank that will be available to the public,” the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA) said.

On top of that, infrared and color imaging scientists will help improve the quality and restore worn down fragments that have broken off from the original piece. Let’s hear it for the preservation of the Jewish faith. Thanks JDate! Erm… I mean, thanks Israel Antiquities Authority!

Link

For those unfamiliar with who Steve Fossett is: he was the first person to fly solo, nonstop, around the world in a balloon. He went missing in September of 2007 over the Nevada Desert, with no trace of his plane or himself ever discovered. He was officially pronounced dead by a courtroom judge February of this year.

But some are claiming he’s still alive, that he’s faked his own death due to personal problems.

Risk assessor Robert Davis says,

“I discovered that there is absolutely no proof that Steve Fossett is actually dead. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m a man who deals in facts, and I don’t really care if he is alive or dead, it make no difference to me. What I am interested in is the truth - and a proper criminal investigation of this man’s disappearance was never undertaken by law enforcement or officials in the state of Nevada.”

Davis is quoted as saying he doesn’t care if he’s alive or dead. What an asshole. Anyways, what it boils down to is many hidden variables of the case. Why did Fossett take off without emergency equipment? Was the plane he disappeared in quickly disassembled and hidden? Where would he go? Like Amelia Earhart, there are many unanswered questions to this case. Then again, people are less likely go to missing without a trace during these days of airborne surveillance in the sort of manner that turns up absolutely no evidence. Who knows if we’ll ever find the answers we’re looking for? If his wife believes he’s dead and he hasn’t accessed any of his assets since his disappearance, isn’t that good enough?

Link

There is no better way to have the feds on to you than dead bodies climbing out of your yard. Living-Dead bodies that is. Artist Alan Dickinson, master of self-incrimination, has created his most haunting image of yard sculptures to date.

The Zombie of Montclaire Moors let’s all your neighbors know that you’re one sick puppy. This zombie could burrow its way out of your yard scaring would be trespassing kids for a whopping $89.95, but why not just  kill a bunch of people and bury them half way up in your front yard for free. One thing’s for sure, this sculpture won’t decompose.

Link (via)

Step aside, boring old-fashioned burials. Move along, air-polluting cremation. A new way of disposing (not preserving) the dead has been proposed for human beings. Previously reserved for animals, it’s called Alkaline Hydrolysis and it involves the dissolution of bodies in a highly concentrated compound. Then, the body is essentially pressure cooked until all that remains is a coffee-colored liquid. Delicious!

Though the tank used in the process resembles a MyHab, Alkaline Hydrolysis still has its advantages. With the cost of land and burials these days and the toxic emissions resulting from cremation, the Alkaline Hydrolysis is a solution to age-old approaches of disposing the dead. Just remember that when all else fails, a dumpster behind a Taco Bell works like a charm!

Link (via)