Gearfuse

Nobody disrupts the sterile sanctity of the Death Star and gets away with it. Nobody but Darth Vader that is.

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Even evil overlords put their pants on one leg at a time. Just because he has an evil empire to run, doesn’t mean his responsibility of personal hygeine and everyday duties comes to an end. In fact, for someone who interacts with so many acolytes, its important to smell fresh.

Darth Vader, much like any universe-domineering dictator, still manages to brush his teeth and shower everyday, and now, we have proof of that very fact.

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The laws of physics always hold up, even in a world such as Star Wars. Gravity still holds Mr. Skywalker on the ground and Mass Times Acceleration still equals force. But does it equal The Force? That is the question.

Was Yoda really nothing more than a physics professor? Is Darth Vader simply an allegorical symbol of the possible destruction of nuclear power?

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Little known fact: Darth Vader represented the Dark Side at 1945’s Yalta Conference.

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Star Wars wasn’t kidding when it said “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.” Those films took place a LONG, LONG time ago. So long ago that Darth Vader was apparently buried as the pharaohs of ancient Egypt were buried; mummified and decked out in a special Vader sarcophagus.

The new tomb was unveiled by Egypt’s antiquities master Zahi Hawass, single handily, just like every other discovery ever made… ever. Seriously, though, have you ever gotten a load of this Hawass character? He demands inclusion in every major Egyptian discovery. Crazy, man. Much like other TeeFury shirts, this design will only be available today. So rushing is the name of the game.

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I call the penis!

Check out this incredible cake, expertly decorated to resemble the iconic image of Han Solo frozen within a block of carbonite. Now Darth Vader really can have his cake and eat it too. That is, unles Jabba gets to it first.

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I’m not quite sure of what city this awesome Darth Vader/Misfits Skull wheatpaste graffiti was found, though we do know it was on Lake Street in some city, somewhere. Although the two are unrelated, it sort of works out great.

Children of the late 70s are going to be really happy with this one.

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Cuddly isn’t exactly a word I would usually use to describe Darth Vader. Sure, he had strong arms and broad shoulders, but that’s beyond the point. He’s just not the cuddling type. Now Chewy on the other hand. He could be my cuddle partner any night.

That’s right, I like my Wookies just like I prefer my women; rough and hairy. These Star Wars Cuddle Toys allow me to not only cuddle with Darth AND Chewy, but also Yoda AND R2-D2. Oh, sweet metallic cuddly gods, thank you.

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These Star Wars Computer Sitter Bobble Heads are doomed into an existence where most of their time is spent staring down on masturbating geeks. Most of these geeks are likely male in sexual persuasion and it’s probably a fair statement that many are overweight.

From the standpoint of a chubby geek blogger who spends plenty of time masturbating to still frames of Chewbacca Princess Leia, I can attest my utmost sympathy to these little guys. Available in both Yoda and Darth Vader flavors, each bobble head will set you back $9.99.

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Ranking near the top of my “shit I didn’t know i wanted, but now need” list is an awesome Steampunk-style Lightsaber currently being auctioned off on eBay. The metal-constructed saber was constructed by a prop professional, so the quality is likely very high.

With a Buy It Now price of $124.99, the Steampunk Lightsaber is actually really reasonable. Finally, a weapon you can use with your Darth Vader gas mask. Hit the jump for more steamy photos.

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