Gearfuse

A bike is a very personal object. I own a bright red BMX bike from the 1980s that I ride for pleasure. Lance Armstrong owns a gajillion 13-pound carbon fiber Treks. For our darker, gothic readers out there, you should really take note of James Perse’s new Cruiser bicycle. Resembling the ATB, the Cruise has vintage styling, limited edition, disgustingly awesome flat black paint job. This bike will send fear into your girlfriend’s vagina faster than you can say “The Clap!”

A price hasn’t been announced, so if you want to get your hands on one, you’ll need to stop by a James Perse Boutique store. Don’t expect it to be cheap, though. With leather accents and hydroform steel, someone will find a way to make you pay.

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I thought I was a Dark Knight fan. I have the fly joker kicks, the sweet action figures to play with and I even have bat wings tattooed in place of my eyebrows so people know I’m a real fan. But no, that wasn’t good enough. Some other fan boy had to out shine me and now, the tattoos bring nothing but ridicule.

Thanks a lot Bob Dullam. You just had to go and build the Batman Tumbler all by yourself, showing everyone that your fanboyism can’t be outdone.  Just you wait, Dullam. Next year, when Watchmen comes out, I’m going to build the most eye-popping Watchmen vehicle ever.  Wait, what does the Night Owl drive?

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If you’ve been living under a rock for the past week then you probably missed out on the news about The Dark Knight being an amazing film and achieving the critical success that was expected of it. So, of course they’re going to release every known merchandise that exists into a Dark Knight theme. Like poker? So does the Joker. No, not the dead one, the timeless comic book variety.

The Dark Knight Joker Poker set is limited edition and ships in August and costs $85. Included is a deck of Joker gimmick cards as well as another four suit deck and poker chips defaced by the Joker, himself (not the dead one). Have a lousy poker face that isn’t fooling anyone? Simple solution: the Joker solution. Cut a smile into your cheeks, no one will no whether or not you’re serious, they’ll just know you’re psychotic.

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Oh snap! The Dark Knight is just around the corner and if you’re as psyched about it as I am you’d have already purchased your ticket.

So stop the press. Fucking stop it. Behold, 12″ figures resembling the Batman and his ensemble of teched out transports. These replicas are of the highest detail of any Batman toy I’ve ever seen. Look at Batman’s face, he looks like he’s Christian Bale rendezvousing with a call girl. He’s got business and it’s not with the Joker. Coming soon in late 2008.

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You didn’t realize the joke in “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night”, did you? Luckily for you, you now get to be the only person in the group of your friends to think that these glasses will make you as cool as Corey Hart. The glasses (not sunglasses) really show off their abilities when you step into the clubs with neon lights everywhere. The bars you see here aren’t the only designs offered; you can choose from different patterns, colors, and intensity. Please, don’t let anyone catch you wearing these darkglasses during the day. They won’t be helping you fight the sun at all, they don’t have any UV protection at all. Zip, nada. So how much will you pay? 30 euros say that you won’t be buying a pair of these anytime soon. –Nik Gomez

Night Glasses with zero UV protection [via UberGizmo]