Gearfuse

It’s just like in the movies! So simple, yet so effective.

Have you recently been exploded or killed by a Decepticon? You, too, might be in need of CPR. Exactly zero chest compressions required.

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Survival equipment doesn’t come in a more affordable price than the Heatsheets Survival Blanket. At $6, this blanket takes survival gear to the next step, killing two birds with one stone. Not only does it come in a bright orange color with a reflective stripe so airborne rescuers can spot you from long distances but it also reflects up to 90% of body heat, so you don’t end up like those folks who went too far north during their Oregon Trail campaign. It’s easy to adorn as well and doesn’t require labor to set up like the testicle-like cocoon survival shelter.

But perhaps the best part about it is that survival and first-aid instructions are printed directly on the blanket, because we all know how heavy those survival books can be. With this blanket, you’ll never forget how to do correct CPR and you won’t need to carry an extra peripheral that does CPR for you. That’s a life saving deal, right there.

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Some people panic in the moment of life-threatening scenarios, such as the man sitting next to you in a diner going into cardiac arrest.  Designer Ryan Helps has designed a “CPR-PAD” to assist those too incompetent and uncoordinated to give correct CPR. When in use, the monitor on the pad shows the correct way to push the chest and it will click when proper pressure is obtained. A light flashes to assist the life-saver in correct rhythmic chest compressions.

With this hilarious design, you’ll finally have your chance to “align nipples” with some busty beauty, in an honest attempt to save her life. When she comes to, she’ll look around frantically and embarrassingly ask, “Was is necessary to remove my shirt and bra?”

Of course.
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