Gearfuse

While I’m shopping for condoms with my fiancee, I put on a strong front. I make sure to announce in a loud voice that we are looking for the Magnum condoms, even though we need nothing of the sort. Shameful, I know, but hey, I’m a man.

This 0.6 inch condom was used to promote safe-sex to young people and apparently midgets and mice. Though it looks like it could serve as awesome revenge for our exes. “Yup, this is what he had to wear!” Keep her away from these. Just to be safe.

Link

Co-worker a huge dick? Get him back this holiday season at the company’s holiday party. These condoms don’t actually contain a rubber but instead have a bunch of paper clips inside. Loudly announce to your co-workers that you think your co-worker left his set of condoms on his desk, flashing the paper clip set around for all to see. He’ll be embarrassed, until he realizes he’s been screwed over by a set of paper clips. It’s OK. He’ll use them for filing the extra reports he now has to do.

Link

I’ve always wanted my face printed right on the end of my rubber love glove. Unfortunately, I’ll have to wait until that dream becomes reality. On the other hand, getting a hold of custom FDA approved, lubricated condoms with my face printed on the wrapper is a possible alternative.

“MyFace Condoms” allow you to include your name, picture, a special message or anything else you choose right on the wrapper of your very own cock sock. When you pull it out of your wallet in front of your soon-to-be-banged one night stand, she’ll know you mean business. You never looked much like the Trojan guy, anyway. You can get a pack for yourself at $31.25 for a 25 pack. Remember kids, always bag it up.

Link [via]

How is a guy honestly supposed to know that what he’s got packin’ beneath his loin cloth will fit in a Trojan Magnum? There’s no size declared on the box. These companies leave you to trial-and-error until you find the perfect fit. Well that isn’t the case anymore.  Scientists from Condom Consultancy in Germany have invented a revolutionary spray on condom that pumps liquid latex onto your cock and then dries within 20-25 seconds to become a condom.

They hope to cut the solidifying time down by 10 seconds because after 20-25 seconds of you staring down at your own penis, waiting for the condom to form, you’re bound to lose your edge.  See what even the faintest of distractions can do to a man, even in the heat of passion?
Link (via)

Apparently, the iPhone is still fodder for shitty jokes and tasteless products.

Case in point: the iCondom. With a box strikingly similar to Apple’s flagship telecommunications device, it’s no humongous 3G iPhone but it’s packed with goodies that are meant to be touched. iMemory, iLight, iTree and iFood are all part of the iCondom package. Allow me to inform you a bit about the iMemory:

This condom is made of latex of the special formula which possesses effect of memory. It is enough to you to put on a condom right at the beginning of the coitus on standing penis and after that you can forget about possible weakening of erection during the coitus.

Do you hear that? That’s right, it’s awkward silence. Awkward silence because the iTree helps your girlfriend take it up the butt. Luckily iCondom is pre-order only for now. God knows what would happen if these showed up in Apple stores across the country.

Link (via)