You’ll go nowhere with retro gamer belt buckles or a Darth Vader belt, but with a Freddy Krueger glove as your belt buckle, you’ll go straight to hell. Be sure to tell them that Freddy sent ya, if they couldn’t already guess it by glancing at your waist. $40 for a belt buckle might seem steep at first, but this is Freddy we’re talking about it. If you don’t get it, he’ll haunt you in your dreams or some shit. Or maybe, he’ll possess you, making you kill for him, like he did in Nightmare on Elm Street 2. That movie made no sense.

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Good job, kid. I thought I was the master at winning at those claw machines/crane machines you see in the arcade. That was, until I saw you crawling into the goddamned machine in the above video. You sneaky shit. You think you can just climb in there and take all the XXL New York Mets t-shirts you want? Not on my watch. I demand you put those stuffed animals back and wait until security arrives. You’ve disrupted the inner balance of the almighty crane machine. Bastard from a basket.

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