“Hi, I’m Vic Mackey from FX’s hit television show - The Shield. I’ve pawned off my traditional handbag in favor of something a little more…what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh, right, tech. I got this e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster because I was sick and tired of street gangs pocketing my iPhone. It’s got two pouches for easy access to my personal electronic gadgets, a zippered pouch to control loose items such as change, rubbers, and memory cards, a quick-release key chain holder and an elastic pen holder. The entire pouch is conveniently positioned underneath my arm. I don’t care how large your Peruvian drug ring is, you’re not taking my gadgets.

What’s that? You want my holster? Tough shit, get your own. They’re only $69.95. Good cop and bad cop have left for the day. I’m a different kind of cop. The tech kind of cop.”

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Birds are classy. They deserve to be treated like royalty as they run a muck in our neighborhoods, waking us up with annoying chirps and shitting all over our cars immediately after they’ve been washed.

Etsy seller Ohthepollybilities makes these quaint teacup bird-feeders with an ordinary China teacup and some well-placed chain links. The seller describes its possibilities as “endless” but I see little productivity in this teacup for anything other than a bird feeder. It could be hung by a sink to hold sponges, or hung in your bathroom to hold your assortment of toiletry, but who the fuck are you, Martha Stewart? They’re are available for $20, a small price to pay for birds in your yard, chirping your name in the morning.

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When you’re under the influence of hallucinogens day in and day out, bright colors can make or break your evening. Pulling an all-nighter just wouldn’t be possible without PoiPlay.

“…it’s like a firework show that doesn’t stink, smell bad or explode, and you can do it inside.”

It’s a traditional form of juggling originating in New Zealand that includes a rope or chain swung in a circular motion to display visual patterns. Thanks to the popularization of LEDs and glow sticks, PoiPlay has expanded visually and is reminiscent of the bike peripheral Monkeylectric. The rope has 28 LEDs that make up the visualization and utilizes three Atmel processors, a lithium ion battery, and a charger. The software controlling the PoiPlay was written in Perl and communicates via USB port under Cygwin. Be careful not to smack yourself in the face with it or you’ll be seeing colors that the PoiPlay could never display.

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