While there’s no mention of Pee Wee in this design project’s description, the resemblance to Herman’s very own breakfast contraption is uncanny.
Directed by designer Yuri Suzuki and artist Masa Kimura, the Breakfast Machine is designed to prepare a full-course meal, serving up omelets, coffee, orange juice and even toast with jam.
Nothing shows your coffee beans who’s boss quite like a power drill made to grind them into oblivion. This modded power tool was created using the burr of a peppermill.
I happen to love a little metallic zest in my brew.
Alright chief. We have five minutes and I mean exactly five minutes to get these six hard boiled eggs to Mayor Bloomberg. You can’t lose them and if they fall on the ground, we’re finished I tell ya. The man needs his breakfast. Here, use my special egg suitcase for the task. It’ll hold all six of Bloomy’s eggs in one basket so to speak. Great joke, right? Wrong! Now get going officer. The fate of New York City rests in your hands. But before you go, let me ask you something:
Which came first? The chicken or the egg suitcase?
Stop the presses. Just fucking stop them. It’s February, it’s cold out and bacon and eggs remain the undisputed king of breakfast. You need a scarf made from eggs and bacon if you’re going to even think about keeping your credibility around in this town. And the best part is, you’re supporting Etsy seller TheHappyCrocheter, who makes each scarf by hand once an order is placed. This ensures both quality and a unique style of craftsmanship that is hard to find nowadays. Did we mention there’s bacon involved? OK, thought so.
Whoever said sliced bread was, at one point, the greatest invention obviously has never had my bombastic matzoh brie. Toast can be very boring in the morning, especially if you’re doing little more than spreading marmalade on it. Sure, toasting images on to bread is fun, but not nearly as fun as a friendly game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
The Tic Tac Toast stamper promises to liven up your breakfast by easily imprinting a Tic-Tac-Toe board on your daily sliced bread. For $5 you can mark the X’s with jam and the O’s with cream cheese or butter, and you’re well on your way to a tie in Tic-Tac-Toe. Seriously, dude, keep your hands off of my toast.
A company named Electrolux has come up with a concept scanner that is supposed to hook up to your toaster via USB. You pop in a design, scan it and then “print out” toast with your design on it, without the need for a breadboard. Before you totally dismiss the idea, realize that you would have the ability to print out a loaf of Mother Teresa toast that would sell for plenty on eBay. If you’re not a scam artist, you could just scan your dick and give your girl dick toast for breakfast. Problems of the world: Solved.
Toasted bread is the way to go but sometimes I’m in the mood to toast an entire sandwich. Pork roll, egg and cheese on sliced Rick Astley bread can get a little sloppy when you try to cram it into a toaster. I’m not talking about those awkward toasters either, I mean your basic, run of the mill toaster.
That’s exactly why the toaster bags were invented, it gives you the ability to toast your sandwiches like Subway so you can be just as much of a lard-ass as Jared was before he started actually working out. It’s called the Toastabag and for just $18.95 you get two reusable bags that’ll toast anything you shove in them. Or you could try aluminum foil. I’ve done it and it (sorta) works.
If you haven’t noticed, we’re crazy about toasters. Winner of the Macef/Designboom Ceramics for Breakfast Competition 2007, George Watson has crafted a ceramic toaster dubbed “Glide” using slip molded porcelain. Claiming that there has been “little development of the toaster,” has been Watson’s main drive in crafting this atypical toaster. Just shovel the toast into the feeder to have it toasted, soon to be resting on that rib-cage looking area; a pit stop before it hits your plate.
This is a toaster that brings life and joy to a stagnant domestic appliance, an iconic object for the home.
Hey man, I love toasters just as much as you do. One question, how fast does this toaster toast? I’m impatient.
While the HOAP-3, Fujitsu’s robot chef, can’t quite crack its own eggs with one-hand like an expert chef, it can make a delicious-looking ham and cheese omelet. It’s by no means a Pee-wee Herman breakfast machine, as you wouldn’t let it cook your breakfast unaided. It’s a nice thought though, having a robot prepare your breakfast while you engage in your daily morning hygienic routine.
Robots are slowly taking the place of everyday human affairs. Still, who would give a robot a knife? It’s almost as dangerous as a fire breathing robot.
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Those who’ve see Pee Wee’s Big Adventure will know that when it comes to breakfast preparation, Mr. Herman was on top of his game. While the average man among us might not be able to rig up a breakfast assembly line like Pee Wee, the Egg & Muffin Toaster is one step closer to the same sort of inventive meal making
The TEM4500 Egg & Muffin Toaster lovingly prepares a full breakfast, complete with two boiled or poached eggs, as well as 4 pieces of toasted bread, muffin, or what ever you can fit into the toaster’s extra wide slits, in an impressive 4 minutes, but not nearly as impressive as the fan-powered Heinz Beans And Toast Maker. Get yours for $60. — Andrew Dobrow
