If you were one of three people on the planet who enjoyed the Jerry Seinfeld ads from Microsoft, I’ve got some bad news: Microsoft is moving to “phase two” of its ad campaign. That means no more Jerry, no more churros and no more of Gates doing the robot.

The next phase of Microsoft’s plan is to crack counter shots back at Apple by specifically targeting its ads which have propelled the Apple Windows feud in the first place. Bill Gates will be making a reappearance alongside many new celebrities excluding Jerry Seinfeld. There will be no soup for him.

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When $300 million dollars is spent on advertisements involving Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates shopping for shoes, it makes me think, “What’s this got to do with Microsoft?” Well, Microsoft wants you to know that it’s more hip than Apple.

The two things that make Jerry Seinfeld cool in this video:

1. He’s eating a churro.

2. He showers in his clothes in the morning, “You’re dressed, then you’re clean. Open the door, go about your business.”

The sad thing about the ad is it takes an entire minute before they even mention the word “Microsoft.” And when it is mentioned, it’s in the middle of a Jerry Seinfeld ramble that makes little sense.

“You know, I imagine over the years you’ve mind-melded your magnum Jupiter brain to those other Saturn ring brains of Microsoft.”

Then it goes on to joke about an edible computer.  Is it funny? When I’m stoned, sure. But it’s not funny in the way where I have the sudden desire to go out and purchase Microsoft merchandise.  I am not sold.

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Microsoft no longer wants to sit idly by as Apple’s advertising campaign bashes it, making it look like an old geezer in front of all those hipsters who watch TV. Everything about Microsoft’s $300 million advertising campaign has been quite ‘hush hush’, that is until now.

“They are not seen as cool,” says Robert Passikoff, president of Brand Keys, a New York branding firm. “Apple is cool. Can anyone even recall a Microsoft ad? No.”

So, Microsoft recruited Jerry Seinfeld as their key celebrity pitchmen to tell you that he thinks Apple’s products just plain stink. Jerry Seinfeld is cool. Therefore, whatever he says or believes, I’ll follow blindly. He’ll appear in several ads with the big man himself, Bill Gates and will receive about $10 million for the work. The ads will debut September 4th and marks it as one of the largest ad campaigns in the company’s history.

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