For the opening and closing ceremonies at the Olympics, the Beijing committee included RFID chips with spectators’ passport information and home/e-mail addresses in each ticket to prevent counterfeits and hacker intrusions. Like the RFID-driven Japanese urn system, the Beijing system makes sure that anyone who isn’t supposed to be there, won’t. Much like U.S. airport security, if you were a foreigner with an RFID ticket, you’d still get the ill treatment as if you were up to no good.

According to a Dutch businessman, he was asked to drink his sunscreen to prove it wasn’t an explosive and when he explained that he couldn’t drink sunscreen, he was let through without further inquiry. “The security was less than professional and not completely thorough,” he said.

That really does sound just like airport security here in the states. One time, I was forced to eat a bar of soap simply because it was the same color as Anthrax. After eating it, they let me through. When I went through the gate, I started vomiting up a foamy white solution. This led them to believe I was a terrorist. What a horrible vacation that was.

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If you’re looking for a more realistic view of Beijing than the fake fireworks and lipsynching on Olympics broadcasts check out these photos. Roving reporters from the art blog Supertouch brought back excellent shots of street art, fashion, architecture, and hilariously misspelled english-language signage.

China is known for a harsh treatment of prisoners and intense government censorship. Beijing isn’t a place where I’d expect to find graffiti, but apparently there’s lots of great street art in the city. Read more to see some of the best examples graffiti and stencil artwork from Supertouch’s Beijing gallery.

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If you’ve been keeping track of the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, then you’ve certainly noticed the amazing camera work detailing every event clearly and at every angle. That is to say if you haven’t been too distracted watching Michael Phelps tear everyone a new asshole. I bet you’re wondering how they cover events such as synchronized diving so thoroughly? The answer is quite simple:

The camera technicians simply drop the camera at the same time the diver begins to fall. If you remember from your high school physics class: all objects fall at the same speed, the speed of gravity. The DiveCam is no exception. This is the camera which follows the diver from the top of the platform all the way into the water without the use of complex pneumatics or motorized tracks, but rather the natural forces of gravity. Newton would be proud.

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What makes a man? Is it tuna? Quite possibly, because Michael Phelps is now the greatest Olympian ever. He has shattered five world records while in Beijing and has now won his 11th career gold medal. Some say it’s because he’s a dolphin. While I don’t doubt that, I think he’s swimming so fast so he can use the toilet. The reasoning behind my theory? Here’s Phelps’ breakfast:

…Three sandwiches of fried eggs, cheese, lettuce, tomato, fried onions and mayonnaise, add one omelet, a bowl of grits, and three slices of french toast with powdered sugar, then wash down with three chocolate chip pancakes.

Phelps still has three races left to go before he’s done with China. It’s only a matter of time before he adds more gold medals under his belt and shows the world the USA means business. He’ll then communicate via sonar to his dolphin friends in the Pacific Ocean, where he’ll use their fins to ride into Maui.

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First, it was digitally altering the fireworks. Now those commie bastards are at it again! According to The Telegraph, the little 9-year-old girl in the red dress than sung “Hymn to the Motherland” during the opening ceremony, Lin Miaoke, is nothing more than a puppet. Turns out a small girl with “buck teeth” called Yang Peiyi was hitting all the notes backstage while the bitch in the red dress danced around.

At the last moment a member of the Chinese politburo who was watching a rehearsal pronounced that the winner, a girl called Yang Peiyi, might have a perfect voice but was unsuited to the lead role because of her buck teeth.

So, on the night, while a pre-recording of Yang Peiyi singing was played, Lin Miaoke, who has already featured in television advertisements, was seen but not heard.

“This was a last-minute question, a choice we had to make,” the ceremony’s musical designer, Chen Qigang, said. “Our rehearsals had already been vetted several times - they were all very strict. When we had the dress rehearsals, there were spectators from various divisions, including above all a member of the politburo who gave us his verdict: we had to make the swap.”

Seriously. Way to go, China. Your reputation is getting more and more sour by the minute. I fear that by the end of the Olympics, you’ll have rendered gold medals for every Chinese athlete using computer graphics.

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The Olympics are in full swing and even though those commie bastards from China cut our national anthem short during Phelps’ award ceremony, we still know the USA rules. Apparently, some of the people in China really do have small dicks, because according to a report from The Beijing Times, people watching the opening ceremony from home were treated to a 55-second CGI graphics sequence. Thought those fireworks were real? Not even close.

Speaking to The Beijing Times, an advisor to the Beijing Olympic Committee (BOCOG) defended the decision: “It would have been prohibitive to have tried to film it live,” he said.
“We could not put the helicopter pilot at risk by making him try to follow the firework route.”

So when you see Michael Phelps being eaten by a mutant dinosaur and Chinese gymnasts flying 100-feet above the stadium, remember to keep the computer trickery in mind.
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Going to Beijing for the upcoming Olympic games? Well, if you weren’t aware, China is not a democracy. Their nation-wide firewall leaves access to certain websites blocked, dulling your internet experience. No worries, thanks to Germany’s Chaos Computer Club’s USB dongle dubbed The Freedom Stick. For just $30, this device is preloaded with software which will secure your connection, routing traffic around the world through anonymous computers. The commies will never know what hit ‘em.

The stick will only be available during the games, which hopefully won’t piss the Chinese government off too much.  It’s not made of LEGOs and it’s not a Bluetooth adapter, but it’ll be more productive at a fraction of the price.  Be warned: if you find yourself in a Chinese prison for messing with their networks, the Chaos Computer Club will not bail you out and neither will your own government.

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With less than one week to go before the 2008 Olympics begin, China has opened up a “super high speed” bullet train to bring athletes and fans back and forth to events in Beijing and Tianjin. Reaching a top speed of nearly 220mph, the new rail line will cut the travel time between the two cities in half.

Construction on the line took over three years and cost a whopping $3.1 million, but first class tickets are still cheap– it’s $10 for first class and $8.40 to go coach. America’s fastest train is Amtrak’s pitiful Acela service, which runs from New York to Boston. Acela has a puny top speed of only 150mph and costs nearly $200 to ride. Epic fail.

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A publicity stunt celebrating the upcoming Olympic games in Beijing leaves 2008 needles in Dr. Wei Sheng’s head as well as a few hundred in his shoulder (just for kicks).  When you’re already in the Guinness Book of World Records for sticking needles into your head, there is little you can do besides stick more needles in your head to attempt to break your own record. Dr. Wei Sheng, however, has decided to wear lipstick. What a fag.
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Nike recently held an art show in Beijing, China to showcase the history of BMX. All the pros and legends turned out for the event, including Bob Haro, Eddie Fiola and Mat Hoffman. With the spotlight the original Haro Lightning Bolts racing plates, artists showed off their customized plates with many paying tribute to the riding style of the past. There’s a fantastic video to watch on Vital BMX, which I’ve linked to below. Hit the jump to see more of the plates:

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