Here is a simple step-by-step DIY project to keep me aroused and simultaneously tan a heart shape on to your ass cheek.
1.) Wear this Bikini Mark swimsuit on a sunny day at the beach.
2.) Bring the inflatable beer pong table
3.) Have a body just like this swimsuit model
Congratulations, I’m aroused and you are tanning like a true body artist!
I’m not much of a flip-flop or sandal guy, but my fiancee really digs them. When she’s not working, flip-flops are usually her shoe of choice, so needless to say, on trips to the beach, she’s flip-flop obsessed.
These Aperitivo Flip Flops designed by Tommaso Colia feature a circular cup holder built right into the shoes design. When your chilling out on the beach, sipping on your favorite summery beverage, these flip-flops would serve as a great way to hold your drink upright. No gurantee that the big hole in the heel is the most comfortable modification ever.
There’s not many ways to be perversely snarky on a nude beach. With all of your naughty-bits hanging out, there’s not much you can tell someone that they’ll find risque. If you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, these Anatomic Wetsuits, by Diddo Velema, allow you to appear not only comfortable with your anatomy, but brash enough to show more than what’s skin deep.
Watch as women blush and giggle over your unveiled gluteus maximus muscle (that’s your ass). Your bloodied biceps prove your certainly take care of your body. Oh, and ladies, instant bikini body!
Richer than Richie Rich? Only one vacation locale comes to mind this year and it’s the refrigerated sands of the Palazzo Versace fashion hotel in Dubai. When walking on hot sand is too much for you and you’re more spoiled than Paris Hilton, why shouldn’t you spend money on the luxury of cool sand?
How does one even cool sand? For starters, you’ve got to be rich. Then, you lay a network of pipes beneath the sand containing a coolant that will absorb heat from the surface. That’s just one absurd feature among many that you’ll find at the Palazzo Versace hotel. This 10-story building contains 213 rooms and an additional 169 apartments. Some rooms even have their own internal swimming pools. Good golly. There is rich, then there is Dubai.
When I’m headed to the beach, I’m usually carrying a heavy ass cooler full of beer. The problem is, I’m always going alone, all by myself. At first, it might not seem like that big of deal, but then it strikes me: who can I find to carry my stereo?
A question that haunts me no more, thanks to Boomcooler. This $900 dollar appliance is a portable stereo system and cooler. It’s no pushover stereo either, with two Sony Xplod speakers, an 1100 watt subwoofer, this cooler is bumpin’. It’s a damn shame only dry cooling is recommended. Dumping a bucket full of ice into this thing will certainly end the party prematurely.
After a long day of Apple announcements, I like to kick back and lounge. Like any sane person, I enjoy my lounging in a chair and this LAMI chair from designer Javier Cristiani is just what the doctor ordered.
Made from 100% “standard metal components” and some cheap fabric, the LAMI screams “Europe” to everyone on the beach. It’s made for both indoor and outdoor use, implying that it’s pretty comfortable.
Kinetic sculptor and artist Theo Jansen has been working on pseudo-living creatures for nearly ten years. Dubbed “Strand Beests,” these gigantic sculptors use the wind to walk along the wet sand of the beach in a most life-like manner. Using plastic electrical-conduit, these creatures are constructed from scratch with passive intelligence built into their motor skills enabling them to avoid venturing too close to the water.
Eventually he wants to put these animals out in herds on the beaches, so they will live their own lives.
Artsy with a hint of weird, the Beests will certainly thrive so long as no one vandalizes them. That makes me wonder if Theo Jansen would ditch the “defenseless herd” routine and instead construct a vicious creature of electrical-conduit that attack anyone in sight a la Jurassic Park.
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The Japanese underwear company known as Triumph (Triumph International Japan Ltd. to be exact) will never out-do themselves on this one. This astroturf-like bikini may be marketed for the Autumn-Winter collection of Triumph, but who else would be more willing to keep score of a beach volleyball game in the summer?
Well, if you happen to see someone wearing this (which isn’t likely) then no one would be more qualified to keep score. The underwear is equipped with solar panels that power the digital scoreboard on the abdomen. It also has a beverage dispensing pouch which can hold any form of liquid, complete with a straw. You may look ridiculous wearing it ladies, but hey, you’re keeping score!
Who says reading in bed is the privilege of those who got sick? With these reading stands, we can read in bed anytime we want, in any position and under any background lighting condition. These stands range from $60 to $190, the smallest one you can bring to the beach, the biggest one you can hang your laptop up there. Yes please. –Sam Chan
