After a long evening of YouTube videos of old Tex Avery cartoons, your laptop wouldn’t be nearly sucked dry if you had HP’s HP EliteBook 6930p with an ulta-high capacity battery. HP claims that it ran for 24 hours, beating out its competition, Dell, which made the Latitude line of laptops that feature only 19 hours of battery life.

Given that battery life varies depending on what applications are running, results may vary. Regardless, think of all the things you could accomplish in 24 hours of battery life. You could visit the ends of the Internet and back. Or just download every Rush album, ever. Either way, you’ve done something no one else has: you’ve beaten the Internet.

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My father had a water-powered calculator once. I remember specifically when I was little, he’d go over to his magic water bottle, uncork it, pour the magic water into his glass and would go out to the porch for hours. I’d pull on his shirt and ask for ice cream and he’d reply “Go away. I’m calculating.” Now it all makes sense. Take the calculator, remove the battery, add a little magic water and voila! Up to three months of power before you have to add more. It’s a steal at $25, especially when magic water goes for $20 per 750ml these days.

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Sometimes size doesn’t matter. But we all know that only men lacking in the trouser snake department say that. For example, don’t buy a Ferrari because you have a tiny penis. Sure, you’ll get a date out of it but, once you drop your pants, that girl will be singing to the whole town about what you aren’t packing.

Why not show her something worth talking about that isn’t connected to your body, like the Little Lamp. What makes it so little? The fact that its power source is also its stand, which happens to be a D-cell battery. It packs quite the punch for such a tiny lamp and one battery provides 150 hours of light from an LED bulb that’ll outlive the next 40 batteries you use on it. At $35, it won’t confuse your lady friends at the dinner table like the lamp candle and it’ll also give them a hint of what’s to come.

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Portable devices are with you wherever you go. That’s exactly why Duracell wants to charge your phone or iPod. By powering handheld devices with its PowerSource Mini, Duracell can save you precious battery life so long as you charge via mini USB. Currently it comes in two forms: one for your iPod and the other to power your BlackBerry.

This isn’t any ordinary battery charger- it can power two, that’s right, two devices simultaneously with its second USB port. While it serves the same purpose as an emergency AA battery, it packs a meaner punch with a boring design. No word on the pricing or whether or not it’ll ever be able to charge inexpensive Bic disposable phones, but one things for certain: you’ll never not have enough juice to surf porn on your BlackBerry during your daily commute home.

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What better way to translate audio signals into light patterns than with this DIY project from Electronicpeasant.com. Throwing a few parties at your house while your rents are in Tahiti? Build a bunch of these, throw on some jam band music and take some hallucinogens to pay tribute to the late great Albert Hoffman. Perhaps some of your friends could bring over their DIY E-bolas to turn the party into a real rave that’ll have the police there (partying with you) in hours (they were busy).  With LEDs for lights, the color organ was designed for extended battery use and doesn’t burn too much power. After all, no one wants to change a battery whilst under the influence.

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So far, it’s been a hot summer and it isn’t getting much cooler. Do yourself a favor: order some takeout (preferably Chinese food) and turn the carton into a mini-desktop air conditioner. Fueled by ice and powered by six batteries, this air conditioner is simple to build and serves a practical use for sun stroke prevention.

Clearly, it only cools a small space but it beats burning your ass off in the heat of summer.  So, check out this DIY and you’ll be cooling off in no time.

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It really stinks when you’ve run out of energy for your gadgets and can’t get to an outlet. With Orange’s Dance Charge, outlets are a thing of the past. It’s a portable phone charger powered through the kinetic movement of the wearer. Held within the arm strap is a battery for storing all the dance-generated energy.

So, to build up juice for powering your gadgets, all you need to do is shake your ass and show everyone your sweet dance moves. Though only a prototype, the Dance Charge is sure to come waltzing into the arms of every over-energized Dance Dance Revolution enthusiast in the world.

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You know what? Fuck Energizer and fuck that stupid pink bunny who keeps going and going. Batteries suck. I hate paying $4 for a 9V battery as much as you do. In fact, it’s absolute bullshit. So as a bullshit company, it makes perfect sense for Energizer to introduce yet another battery format to the market. This time around, it’s AAAA batteries, which no devices use.

This ultra-small battery is supposedly designed for small electronics use. DAPs, Bluetooth headsets, wireless headphones and a bunch of other shit that can be avoided. I mean, what digital audio player doesn’t come with a rechargeable battery? Even the Zune has one.

I’d recommend avoiding AAAA electronics like the plague. Your dick might fall off.

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Half-motorcycle, half-Prius, the Enertia motorbike is bound to turn heads. With a striking design reminiscent of some Harley-Davidson and Triumph models, this bad boy only does 50 MPH top speed, which may disappoint some. Then you’ll realize it’s a 100-percent electric bike with a bunch of batteries, right as you pass that Sunoco gas station with premium hitting $4.73 a gallon.

With a charge time similar to the Tesla Roadster (three hours) and the ability to plug in pretty much anywhere, the Enertia certainly seems worth the $12,000 price tag that puts it in the league of BMW and Ducati bikes. I wonder if it’s liquid-cooled though…

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This version of a USB battery by IOGear is pretty nifty. One end works as a miniUSB plug, allowing you to easily charge your cellphone, MP3 player, digital camera or vibrator when you’re in dire need of some juice. The Gearjuice Rescue Chargers is a steal at $12. The next time you break down on the side of the road on some cold, rainy night and your cellphone doesn’t work, you’ll be wishing you had one of these.

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