Ok, so I lied. This Fight Club Soap is definitely not made with human fat, as it is “supposedly” 100% vegan. “Supposedly,” indeed. *wink wink*
Etsy’s very own vegan soap maker Dirty Ass Soaps has designed this Fight Club soap, similar to the bar that appears on the film’s iconic poster. First rule of Fight Club Soap, don’t mention its real ingredients.
We are sick, disgusting individuals. About 95% of people claim they wash their hands after taking a piss or poopy, but as you can imagine, the actual percentage of people who actually do so is far less.
A new public health study tracked the bathroom doings of over 200,000 individuals and the results were staggering. Only 64% of females washed their hands while only 32% of men washed theirs. This is one time that I’m actually embarrassed to be male.
My shit doesn’t only smell like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, it’s also made out of 100% pure copper and oak. Seriously, I’m so steampunk my wooden feces are literally metal-plated.
The TeslaPunk Urinal is a handmade solid oak toilet tank, complete with a battery powered flush pump, a laser aiming assistant (aim at the laser dot in the bowl at night for minimal leakage), lights, antique gauges, a flush capacitor, and a cup holder.
The universe is in peril and you have a front row seat. Thankfully for you, the universe can’t see you back. So go ahead, massage those balls, shave that asshole, we’re not looking.
The Space Invader Shower Curtain adds a level of geekiness usually unseen in the bathroom, other than that one turd that sort of looked like Iron Man. And, according to Technabob, the only way to grab your hands on a curtain like this is to go through some sort of Mexican drug cartel design firm, which just happens not to have a website. Bummer.
Hu2 Stickers offers this awesome Toilet Monster vinyl sticker set which makes it look like there’s a little dude peeking out from inside of your john.
If you’re worried that you’ll have to leave the sticker on there forever and ruin the integrity of your shitting hole, no worries. These stickers come right off with no residue left behind.
The reason ladies love Edward Cullen is clear. He’s the sort of guy you don’t mind longingly watching you take a shit.
You too can have the hottest vampire of the moment staring at you as you trim your pubes. And only for $75.
As long as you don’t mind dozens of eyes watching you shower, this Emoticon Shower Curtain is a hell of a way to geek up your bathroom a bit. Emoticons are becoming a new language all their own. Might as well brush up on your grammatical skills while you wash your balls nuts testicles hair.
Sorry to send you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, which is admittedly, pretty lame, but that’s where you shall find this awesome curtain. And for $15.
Talk about being scared shitless. Coca-Cola has gone all hardcore with the marketing of their new Georgia Max Coffee brand, redesigning a number of toilets at some of the most popular ski resorts in Japan. And really, where else could something this absurdly awesome exist?
The fully wrapped bathroom walls simulate the experience of a skier on all sides of the shit deposit. So actually, being constipated just got a little bit less sucky. Instead of staring at a blank wall for hours on end, you can at least pretend you’re out enjoying the slopes with your friends.
OK, the first part might be total wishful thinking, but the touchscreen mirror part is definitly on the upcoming wave of the future. The Fraunhofer Institute for Microelectronic Circuits and Systems unveiled their touchscreen mirror system at the Cebit IT trade show this week, and let me tell you, it’s totally going to change the way you brush your teeth and trim your balls.
While the technology behind the mirror’s creation isn’t what you would call “new” or even “new-ish,” the system is still pretty cool sounding. Are you tired of having to remind Grandpa to wash his dentures? That’s the way of the past. In the future, your mirror will remind all of the elders in your life to wipe their own asses and maybe, if we could be so lucky, will guide them through changing their own damn diapers. I mean, really, what could they have possibly eaten?
Some of you don’t mind if your balls are suspended in ice cubes as you scrub-a-dub in the shower. Others just don’t feel comfortable unless the shower water is melting their skin away a la that Nazi dude in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. And of course, there are those of you who either don’t give a shit, or just plain don’t shower (you disgusting barbarians.) These totally pimp Temperature Sensitive Glass Tiles look totally sick in your shower, no matter which temperature choice you prefer.
The manufacturer allows you to choose the activation temperature. The tiles pass through three phases of colorful awesomeness, which change after about 6-10 degrees. When the temperature peak is passed, the tiles return to their base color. So all in all, the tiles are at their coolest as the temperature rises to its boiling point. Warning: we don’t recommend dipping your balls in boiling water.
