Gearfuse

These bandages take a page right from the book of Stryper, the most metal of metalest bands ever. Battle wounds are part of the metal world. When you have fans throwing broken beer bottles at the stage, it’s sort of difficult not to get a boo-boo every once in a while.

But what’s a metal guitarist to do? A simple old band aid won’t cut it. Hell, even duct tape bandages aren’t hardcore enough. These Leather Bandages should fit right in with your full-body pleather jumpsuit.

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I don’t know if this is the work of a clever Photoshopper or if 3M really lost its fucking marbles. They’re bandages that use duct tape and are more durable and longer than your standard Band-Aid style.

It probably hurts like a bitch ripping one of these off, so make sure you don’t shave your nuts anytime soon. Wouldn’t want to have to patch things up now, would we?

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I know, it’s a little late to be telling you now, but hey, you should get your mother the Momergency Kit for Mother’s Day. It comes with tools for Mom to help keep her sane, and to keep kids busy. Here’s a selection of what it includes followed by a brief explanation on what we think they could be used for:

• A balloon (for strangling herself with)
• Scissors (for gouging out her eyes and slitting her wrists)
• A bandage (for covering the wrist wound)
• Dice (to earn some money in the crack house while you sit and cry)
• Needle and thread (to sew your mouth shut)

There’s more included, but from the looks of it, she’ll only get this far before being arrested. Available now for $25. — Andrew Dobrow
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