Gearfuse

If you’re a double amputee, congratulations, you get a free pass. No fetch playing for you. But if you’re a pet owner lucky enough to own two or even one functioning arm their is absolutely no reason to own this Dog Ball Fetch Machine unless you’re extremely lazy or if you want to offer your dog constant, albeit tedious, entertainment.

Long after you become tired, the fetching machine will keep your dog busy, catapulting tennis balls between 15 and 30 feet, based on an interval you set. As long as your dog knows how to dump the ball back into the machine, the fun can continue indefinitely, or at least until your dog collapses from exhaustion.

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Soccer, football, futbol, tomato, tomahto (who the hell says tomahto anyway? Is it you ya friggen Canadians?) Whichever name you choose for the sport, there is no denying that it’s a fun game. If you’ve ever been in a situation where you wish you had grabbed a ball before you left home, Marti Guixe’s Football Tape might be a nice investment, even if its only to keep in your glove compartment for a boring moment.

Working sort of like a ball of rubber bands, just unravel the tape and wrap it around until you’ve made your very own impromptu soccer ball. It might not be quite like the real thing, but it should keep you busy for a while.

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You’ve got the Party Rats. Now all you need is this ridiculous Disco Ball Hat. What’s that? You already own one? OK, excellent. Let’s get this party started!

Verse:
Chillin at the party
Hour by hour
Appetizers gettin’ stinky
Not smellin’ like a flower

Lights on my head
Bottles in my pants
Move your fuckin’ body
Cause it’s time to fuckin’ dance

Chorus:
D-I-S-C-O
Chillin’ steady, powder up the nose
D-I-S-C-O
Dancin’ all night ’till the venue closed

I’d keep going but I might get sued by David Bowie.

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After reading the description of this maze, I’m still not sure I entirely understand it:

Have puzzles gone passé? With the advent and subsequent mainstreaming of videogames caused physical toys to go by the wayside? What do you get when you multiply six by nine? The answer to the first two questions is “No,” and the last, “42.”

What? I’m pretty sure that whoever created this puzzle was on drugs and had it in for other people on drugs. They might as well call this the “drugs puzzle” because the only way you’re solving it is on a boatload of, well, drugs. Glad we have an understanding.

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Take a plasma ball from Spencer’s Gifts and throw in a little love and you’ll wind up with this Electra Heart Lamp. It resembles the heart and if you touch it, electricity from inside will go to your fingers a la plasma ball. Fantastic looking but unfortunately, it’s discontinued. A shame, considering it was only twenty bucks.

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Playing fetch with a dog can be a tiresome activity, especially if your dog has the energy of an Ox which has the energy of two Oxen. That’s where the Fetchbot comes in to play. It’s essentially a tennis ball catapult that’s designed to keep your dog busy while you can enjoy the finer things in life, like not playing with your dog. It’s made out of a document scanner, though you’d never guess it just by taking a gander.

The next time your dog is looking for someone to play with, screw taking it for a walk or playing fetch. That’s a waste of your precious energy. Set the Fetchbot up in your backyard and your dog will have endless hours of fun while you can sit back, relax and enjoy the time you have to make a papercraft dog.

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This might look like a miniature Death Star but, in actuality, it’s a top secret spy cam. The DVR CamBall is the first ever digital video camera and MP3 player that’s as small as a ping-pong ball and able to record at 320×240 or 640×480 resolutions. What better way to sneak a camera into top-secret facilities than to roll it under the door. Unfortunately, once it’s out of your grasp their is little you can do to aim it.

That’s fine though, since this thing’s got the capability to hold up to 8GB of photos with an SD card. At $200, it comes with a couple of accessories including a tassel to wear the camera around your neck and an underwater case for snorkling shots that’ll turn you into a marine biologist in no time.

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Check this bag design out. See anything wrong with it? Of course you don’t, it looks too hip to have you distracted by flawed design. It’s called Double Bag and the name matches the look. The look being a post-pubescent scrotum after taking a hit from a fastball thrown by Walter Johnson. It reminds me of those portable crutches except without the blue balls.

It’s designed to carry your daily ham and cheese lunch meal with an extra spot for your water bottle conveniently co-joined with the rest of the bag. Yea, the bag hangs over your shoulder like a traditional purse but why in the heck does it need to link up with the other side or be able to break away at all? Sacrificing bag space for nothing more than a K’Nex piece doesn’t seem very ergonomic. You’d be better off with a Mooncloth bag. You can hold more with it and look just as queer.

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Whether you own a hamster or not, there’s no doubt you wouldn’t mind rolling around in a motorized ball all day for shits and giggles. That’s why Evento developed the Buzzball especially for you. It sounds like a real pain in the ass to control though:

Once the Buzzball is in motion the pod maintains an upright position until the pilot turns, causing the pod to rotate inside the ball against the direction of travel, which applies a braking force and the pod to lock with the ball. This causes the pod to rotate with the ball until the weight of the pilot and pod overcomes the inertia forces and causes the Buzzball to change direction.

What the fuck? I have no idea how you even control this thing. Know why I think they call it a Buzzball? Because you go to the big hill with your friends, drink whiskey to get “buzzed” and then crawl in this ball and roll down the hill. First one to puke loses.

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The next time I go swimming, I want one of these Submergency Balls to play with. You can set it to sink or float to any depth in the water. Throw it in and try to find it before the timer goes off and it starts flashing. The ball even blends in with the water, thanks to the aqua blue coloring.

With no player limits and basic fun stretched to the max, the Submergency Ball is ideal for anyone over the age of 6 looking to have a good time in the pool. Pick it up for $20 and be ready to plunk down $5 more for AAA batteries.

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