Gearfuse

They go great with a nice warm glass of 2 girls, 1 cup, if you happen to have them available.

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Here is a simple step-by-step DIY project to keep me aroused and simultaneously tan a heart shape on to your ass cheek.

1.) Wear this Bikini Mark swimsuit on a sunny day at the beach.

2.) Bring the inflatable beer pong table

3.) Have a body just like this swimsuit model

Congratulations, I’m aroused and you are tanning like a true body artist!

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Your office’s photocopier isn’t really official until someone has photocopied their ass. Whether it be intentional or through some horrible accident I can’t even begin to comprehend, photocopying of the ass cheeks is a tradition wherever photocopiers are found.

The iBum chair takes the ass copier out of the office and into your home. Whenever someone sits down in the chair, the iBum automatically photocopies the sitter’s ass cheeks. They should add some sort of cooling feature to reduce the photographic proof of swamp ass. Check out a video demo after the jump.

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Here at Gearfuse, we can never fulfill our monthly quota of toilet paper related posts, but boy do we try.

Speaking of toilet paper, one can never have enough toilet paper holders.

Here’s a bathroom buddy kindly providing you with pampering services while it, too relieves itself on the John. It’s a hand-made, 7-inch tall sculpture which possesses a keen likeness to robots. Necessities of life don’t come cheap, however. With a price of $95.97 – wait a minute! $95.97!? Holy moly! Ah hell, we’ll buy it anyway. We love robot toilet paper holders.

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I don’t know about you, but I’d find it quite difficult to take steps with this thing straddled in between my legs. Alas, it is Honda’s inevitable desire to give me blue balls with its latest device geared towards the disabled – the walking assist device with body weight support system. Honda is no stranger to assisted walking devices for the eldery, but it is treading in new waters by trying to get men to sit on this thing.

If that saddle wasn’t sitting uncomfortably underneath my package, the device would never reduce the load on leg muscles and joints. It’s supposed to support a portion of a person’s body weight with help from a seat that just crushes your junk. If you ask me, it looks as bad as some bike seats.

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When you’re at a kicking party that’s got a ton of free wine and hors d’oeuvres, your hands are bound to be full. With this re-imagined paper clip, however, holding a glass of wine with your dish full of appetizers will leave your other hand free to shake hands and/or grab asses.

The Polish design studio Razy2 is calling this paper clip the Kylpsos. Designed by Paulina Krauza and Jacek Ryn, two party freaks who can never have enough free hands for ass grabbing. With a free hand, picking your nose at parties is no longer problematic. At least for me.

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Seriously, where’s Vince? Could he be rock climbing like this wire-clad lad attached to my fridge? Absolutely not. Vince couldn’t climb if his ass depended on it.

I hear he’s in LA meeting with important people concerning important things exchanging important facts in an important room, but then again – what do I know?

Owning a coffee table like this particular model is most likely going to freak out any ladies whom you’ve invited over for dinner.  It’s got women’s undies pinned in between two pieces of glass, clamped together like a chasity belt. Additionally, the clamps also work as the table’s legs. Your friends will think you made it yourself and obtained the garments either during a Sorority panty raid or a collection of leftovers from your ex-girlfriends.

It doesn’t matter how you got the panties; the only thing that matters is that it isn’t a coffee table modeled after a Nintendo controller.  If it was, the panties wouldn’t be in your apartment in the first place.

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I’m all for the bidet sometimes but nothing beats a good ol’ wipe of the ass with toilet paper. Plus, you can check and ensure you wiped properly and completely. With Kohler’s C3 toilet seat, you need not worry about running out of TP anymore. The seat includes a remote-controlled bidet that allows you to clean your ass out without having to move in the slightest. You’d expect a NASA-esque price to accompany such a stunning piece of technology. Luckily, the C3 will only set you back $950.

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Here’s a great way to show those pledges in your fraternity that you don’t fuck around with that Microsoft bullshit. After you’re done making them build the Statue of Liberty out of mashed potatoes and you’ve had them fuck a sheep (with a rubber, of course), then it is time for them to get the paddle.

It’s not just any ordinary paddle; it’s an Apple paddle. Now, you can kiss Steve Jobs’ decrepit ass and fulfill your sadomasochistic desires, simultaneously! All it takes is a ping-pong paddle, some steady hands and a stencil.

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