Here at Gearfuse, we can never fulfill our monthly quota of toilet paper related posts, but boy do we try.

Speaking of toilet paper, one can never have enough toilet paper holders.

Here’s a bathroom buddy kindly providing you with pampering services while it, too relieves itself on the John. It’s a hand-made, 7-inch tall sculpture which possesses a keen likeness to robots. Necessities of life don’t come cheap, however. With a price of $95.97 - wait a minute! $95.97!? Holy moly! Ah hell, we’ll buy it anyway. We love robot toilet paper holders.

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I don’t know about you, but I’d find it quite difficult to take steps with this thing straddled in between my legs. Alas, it is Honda’s inevitable desire to give me blue balls with its latest device geared towards the disabled - the walking assist device with body weight support system. Honda is no stranger to assisted walking devices for the eldery, but it is treading in new waters by trying to get men to sit on this thing.

If that saddle wasn’t sitting uncomfortably underneath my package, the device would never reduce the load on leg muscles and joints. It’s supposed to support a portion of a person’s body weight with help from a seat that just crushes your junk. If you ask me, it looks as bad as some bike seats.

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When you’re at a kicking party that’s got a ton of free wine and hors d’oeuvres, your hands are bound to be full. With this re-imagined paper clip, however, holding a glass of wine with your dish full of appetizers will leave your other hand free to shake hands and/or grab asses.

The Polish design studio Razy2 is calling this paper clip the Kylpsos. Designed by Paulina Krauza and Jacek Ryn, two party freaks who can never have enough free hands for ass grabbing. With a free hand, picking your nose at parties is no longer problematic. At least for me.

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Seriously, where’s Vince? Could he be rock climbing like this wire-clad lad attached to my fridge? Absolutely not. Vince couldn’t climb if his ass depended on it.

I hear he’s in LA meeting with important people concerning important things exchanging important facts in an important room, but then again - what do I know?

Owning a coffee table like this particular model is most likely going to freak out any ladies whom you’ve invited over for dinner.  It’s got women’s undies pinned in between two pieces of glass, clamped together like a chasity belt. Additionally, the clamps also work as the table’s legs. Your friends will think you made it yourself and obtained the garments either during a Sorority panty raid or a collection of leftovers from your ex-girlfriends.

It doesn’t matter how you got the panties; the only thing that matters is that it isn’t a coffee table modeled after a Nintendo controller.  If it was, the panties wouldn’t be in your apartment in the first place.

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I’m all for the bidet sometimes but nothing beats a good ol’ wipe of the ass with toilet paper. Plus, you can check and ensure you wiped properly and completely. With Kohler’s C3 toilet seat, you need not worry about running out of TP anymore. The seat includes a remote-controlled bidet that allows you to clean your ass out without having to move in the slightest. You’d expect a NASA-esque price to accompany such a stunning piece of technology. Luckily, the C3 will only set you back $950.

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Here’s a great way to show those pledges in your fraternity that you don’t fuck around with that Microsoft bullshit. After you’re done making them build the Statue of Liberty out of mashed potatoes and you’ve had them fuck a sheep (with a rubber, of course), then it is time for them to get the paddle.

It’s not just any ordinary paddle; it’s an Apple paddle. Now, you can kiss Steve Jobs’ decrepit ass and fulfill your sadomasochistic desires, simultaneously! All it takes is a ping-pong paddle, some steady hands and a stencil.

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Are you the kind of person who loves to limbo to the Macarena but never has any friends willing to hold the bar up for you? Whether that’s the case or you just don’t have any friends period, there is a solution. This limbo device is activated with the touch of a button that has multi-colored strings creating a fluorescent arch that challenges you to lean backwards and dance through. You’ll never want to play with that boring stick ever again.

No friends and no stereo system, either? You’re one sad soul, but that’s alright because Limbo String comes with its very own limbo music to get your ass shaking to the floor. For $45 bucks, it’ll bring more life to your lonely Saturday nights than any Sarah Jessica Parker blow up doll ever could.

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Found on the second floor of the Hotel Pennsylvania. A group of hackers were selling old phone equipment and patronizing me for taking pictures. I’d rather be a photographer than a group of fat fucks selling old junk!

A recently revealed patent shows an idea for a very, hmm, how to say this politely… a very “interesting” and “unique” device. The patent describes a product titled “User-Operated Amusement Apparatus for Kicking the User’s Buttocks.” Notice the word, “amusement”.

You operate the device by pushing a row apparatus that resembles the operation of a coal mining cart, while a windmill style set of feet repeatedly kicks your ass. What the fuck? — Andrew Dobrow

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