This is my girlfriend, and I’m proud to say she has no respiration

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It would be so sad if someone took this pillow too seriously and actually brought it around with them in public and stuff. The Girlfriend Pillow poses as the model upper torso of the female form, latched around your neck in all of its plush affection glee.

Wearing a red polka dot bikini top (which would probably have a matching bottom if your “girlfriend” had a bottom), a bracelet, and sexy red nail polish, pillows don’t get much sexier. The Girlfriend Pillow even vibrates if you want. Picture it. All the perks of a girlfriend without any of that crazy nagging or breathing. Available now for $14.99. — Andrew Dobrow

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