Tag Archives: health

FLASH: World War III Imminent

The word just came in over the wire. World War III has begun and it doesn’t involve Iran or Russia. This time, the war is being fought in our own backyards against allergies and smog, with especially hard times for those in Los Angeles. Luckily, our buddies in Korea was able to ship over some NOSK Transparent Nasal Filters for ...

Read More »

Blood By Air – The Medical Robot Carrier Pigeon

The practical uses for unmanned aerial vehicles are proving limitless. Once used for espionage and photography, these airborne spy bots just fell victim to a role reversal: they’ve gone from spy to medic. Well, while they don’t exactly heal wounds out on the battlefield, they do provide air transport for supplies needed in dire situations. Think of them as carrier ...

Read More »

Army Drone Pilots Suffer From Combat Stress

National Guardsmen who pilot Army Predator drones are suffering symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. Predator pilots launch missile attacks remotely from bases in Texas, Arizona, Nevada, and Southern California. They work in front of video screens in air conditioned trailers and go home to their families every night, but the pilots and their commanders say they are experiencing PTSD ...

Read More »

Steve Jobs Finally Speaks

After pissing off investors, causing Apple stock to fall and acting shadier than Mickey Rourke after posting bail, Steve Jobs has finally spoken on the issue of his personal health. He claims he is fine and doesn’t have cancer and that everyone should mind they’re fucking business, essentially. This lets everyone breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that Apple’s famous ...

Read More »

Steve Jobs Health Still In Question

Investors won’t buy your stock if they think your CEO is going to croak the following year. After the WWDC conference in June, Apple reps blamed Jobs’ more than unusual thin build on an unspecified illness that required antibiotic treatment. Despite repeated requests, company officials are not commenting on the status of Jobs’ ailment. Jobs is a survivor of pancreatic ...

Read More »

BLUE Keeps Kitchen Looking Trendy, Fruits Fresh

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out and bought fresh fruit, only to have it mold by sitting in my refrigerator’s crisper drawer. It’s both a waste of food and money and can be quite frustrating at times. This is where BLUE enters the picture. BLUE will cleanse your fruits through emitting a special light that kills ...

Read More »

Overall Health Balance Scale Rates Your Health, Deflates Your Ego

Hey, fatty / string bean / muscle man / average weight person or otherwise. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Why must you lie to yourself? You think you’re so healthy, but trust me, there must be something wrong with you. And whatever it is, you bet your ass the Overall Health Balance Scale finds it and taunts you with it. ...

Read More »

Massaging Backpack Makes It Easier To Lug Your Shit Around

Despite the fact that there have been giant leaps in terms of ergonomics for gadgets, overuse can still cause your body to feel as if it’s falling apart. If they didn’t, there would be no market for massage items such as these. The Massaging Backpack might still cause you to ache, but at least it provides a solution for a ...

Read More »

X5 Hairlaser Pretends To Prevent Baldness

If male haircare had a placebo pill, the X5 Hairlaser would be it. While we don’t have any scientific proof to back up that the laser is just some gimmick, the X5’s descriptive method of blasting, “15 distinct points of coherent laser light directly to your scalp at the optimum power and wavelength,” sounds like a quote straight from an ...

Read More »