Tag Archives: ceo

Steve Jobs Has Put on A Little Weight

El Jobso was spotted outside of 1 Infinite Loop recently and it looks like he’s gained some of those pre-surgery curves back. Am I the only one who feels the strong compulsion to furiously roll large balls at the Apple CEO? I’m glad to see he’s got his appetite back though. His waif-ish figure was starting to scare me there ...

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Steve Jobs Returns To Apple Full Time

Apple officially announced today that Steve Jobs has returned to Apple as its CEO. As you probably know, Jobs has been out of commission since January due to poor health. Most people speculated his cancer had returned but Jobs dismissed that as a mere rumor, stating that he had some kind of “hormonal imbalance.” I’m glad Jobs is back. Now ...

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Steve Jobs Back At Apple

The entire tech world is a flutter with news that Steve Jobs has returned to Apple. As promised, Jobs said he would be back in June and rumor has it that he’s not back 100%, but rather, is helping interim CEO Tim Cook out and telecommuting through email according to a USA Today report. This is fantastic news not just ...

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Joke of the Year: Microsoft Asks Apple To Be More Open

Aahahahahhsshsghadfhdhskjgaorghia9reygoihjfajowfjvazjsb aahahshdhahahdahahahahaha. Can you believe it? Microsoft, the fuckers who have made Windows forever and never make shit open-source are now calling for Apple to be more “open”. Says Steve Ballmer, douche supreme, says ‘”I agree that no single company can create all the hardware and software. Openness is central because it’s the foundation of choice.”‘ Bahahahahahahaa. Sorry, sorry. I’ll ...

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Breaking: Sirius-XM Saved By Liberty Media

The AP is reporting that Liberty Media, who had previously expressed interest in Sirius-XM, has signed a deal where it’ll invest $350 million in the failing satellite radio company. This comes right in the nick of time; Sirius had $175 million in bond payments due today, which would have no doubt sent the company into Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Instead, Liberty ...

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Steve Jobs Takes Medical Leave From Apple

Hear that flood? That’s the sound of Apple shareholders and investors selling off their stake in the company as quickly as humanly possible. Why? CEO Steve Jobs just took a temporarily leave of absence from Apple. Here’s his note to Apple employees: Team, I am sure all of you saw my letter last week sharing something very personal with the ...

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No More Zune Phone!

Not that it mattered, but Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer has gone on the record stating that the company has no plans to build a phone Zune or otherwise. Instead, Microsoft is going to focus on it’s Windows Mobile platform which makes perfect sense. He also mentioned that the Zune software will be ported to other devices, including Windows. Does anyone ...

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Steve Jobs Finally Speaks

After pissing off investors, causing Apple stock to fall and acting shadier than Mickey Rourke after posting bail, Steve Jobs has finally spoken on the issue of his personal health. He claims he is fine and doesn’t have cancer and that everyone should mind they’re fucking business, essentially. This lets everyone breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that Apple’s famous ...

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Icahn to Yahoo!: Your Ass Is Mine

The Fourth of July has passed and now we’re stuck on a Monday with a big week ahead of us. However, nobody’s week will compare to that of Jerry Yang’s. Jerry is CEO and co-Founder of Yahoo!, a dying Internet company you probably use daily. Today, money-maker and powerhouse Carl Icahn issues a letter to Yahoo! shareholders telling them that ...

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