I’ve always wanted to pretend I was Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier. Now, thanks to Nikon’s latest headset, that dream has become a reality. The Media Port UP is a multimedia playback headset device which includes a display, headphones, mobile A/V player, WiFi capability, high-capacity memory and a power source all in one package.

Think of it at as a mobile computer attached to your head that can do everything but scan for tangos with infrared and call down napalm from the heavens. OK, so it’s more like Jean-Claude Van Damme from Universal Soldier. It still looks badass.

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In the wake of the Commodore 64 LAN party comes a new breed of laptop. Commodore is pulling a Steve Jobs, as in: you heard it was dead, but it was all lies. It’s making a comeback with a netbook, go figure, it’s the UMMD 8010/F. Compared to the Commodore 64, it’s loaded. The UMMD 8010/F has a 10″ screen and comes with a processing power of 1.6GHZ, 80GB of hard drive space and 1GB of RAM.

It’s half the price of the Dell E Mini Notebook, with half the RAM. At $600 dollars, it comes packed with a 1.3-megapixel camera and 802.11b/g Wi-Fi capability. But you know the only reason you’d buy it is because it says “Commodore” right below the monitor.

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First, D-Link put routers in your pocket. Now, they’re thinking about the environment. D-Link is proud to claim it’s the first manufacturer to produce green home network WiFi routers capable of saving up to 40% in power usage. These routers are like a thoughtful roommate who never leaves the TV on or forgets to put the toilet seat down. With the ability to detect cable length and link status, they’ll adjust power accordingly, so you’re not racking up that electric bill for nothing. Each router can also be programmed to turn the WiFi radio off in an effort to save power.

D-Link has equipped three of their routers with this new technology: D-Link Xtreme N Gigabit Router DIR-665, Xtreme N Duo Media Router DIR-855 and the Xtreme N Gaming Router DGL-4500. While the new green ethernet technology affects each router differently, you can be sure that surfing the web without ruining the planet has never been easier, so long as you’re not using that Buffalo Nfinity.

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Not everyone wants to solve their parking problems by sacrificing their dignity and squeezing into one of those tiny urban cruiser cars. Luckily for San Francisco residents, the city is stepping in to try and help them avoid the parking crunch. As part of a $95.5 million program called SFPark, 6,000 of San Francisco’s 24,000 metered parking spaces are being outfitted with sensors that will allow drivers to spot open parking spaces by checking maps on their cell phones or by looking at displays on street signs.

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Nothing beats seeing the New York Giants take a huge shit on every team in the NFL and then watching Dan Marino freak out on ESPN. It’s just a wonderful thing. ESPN keeps a lot of us glued to the TV and now we have yet another reason not to buy our wives anniversary gifts: The Wi-Fi-enabled ESPN Ultimate Remote.

It has a screen with an Apple-esque menu system, built-in Wi-Fi, home theater management, control of IP-based equipment and one-touch access to Internet content. Oh, did I mention you can send text messages with this thing? Yeah, and you can browse the Internet and check your e-mail with it. Christ.

Now that every guy on the planet has a boner the size of Texas, you can rest soundly knowing that the Ultimate Remote will be available in time for Father’s Day. The only problem with this amazing device? The price: $300.

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If you have an extra hand free to hold up an umbrella (and if not, there is always Nubrella), you might as well make it the coolest damn umbrella possible. The Wi-Fi Umbrella has a built-in camera which snaps shots of you as you stroll around town on a rainy day. The umbrella even allows you to upload the photos to Flickr using Wi-Fi support.

And possibly the coolest feature of all, with a snap of your wrist you can view the stored content of the umbrella, projected on the device itself. While there is no price yet listed, the umbrella should be available to UK rain dancers pretty soon. — Andrew Dobrow

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