Gearfuse

Back in the day you either sat in a cube in front of a computer and secretly looked at porn while your boss was off playing golf with some trophy wife by his side (whom I totally didn’t have sex with, by the way) or you worked with your hands, wrist deep in shit or half-dead from back pain. As time goes on, the line between blue and while collar work has become increasingly thin. Computer engineers particularly require skills of both styles.

This awesome LT-XL Portable Office bag is made with the sky blue worker in mind, splitting the bag into the hardcore tool side, and the slightly less hardcore office supply side. You can also store a laptop and other delicate electronics right in the same bag as you keep assorted screwdrivers, which really cuts down on the man power. One less bag equals more arm room for other important shit.

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Sometimes, when I’m hanging out with Mel Gibson, we like to play Niptwist. What’s Niptwist, you ask? It’s a game when I take an adjustable wrench and then clamp down on Mel’s nipples. He screams in delight and then begs for more. After about 45 minutes of this, Gibson passes out and mumbles some anti-semetic rant.

Little does Mel know that tomorrow I’m going to have an advantage in our game of Niptwist. I plunked down $27 for the Black and Decker Auto Wrench. What does $27 get you? Try an automatic adjustable wrench with 220 ft-pounds of torque. That’s enough to turn William Wallace’s balls/nips/dick more purple than Barney. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, bitches.

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If you’re like Vince and I, competitive bikers and participators in the Tour de France, then you’ll be happy to know that the bike company Trek is pioneering the forefront in vending machines for bikes called “Trek Stop.” It’s the cycling convenience center that provides nearby stranded bikers all the needs (without the know-how) for bike repair.

At the moment, there is only this test unit, which will be set up for a month outside of Machinery Row Bicycles in Madison, Wisconsin. So, if you just so happen to be in the area and get a flat or need a spare water bottle, stop by the vending machine and take care of it. If you’re no where near Madison, Wisconsin, you’re shit out of luck, brahski.

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These laser-etched tools were created by artist Dan Funderburgh. Though not all of them serve an essential use, they all have exquisite detail and beautiful patterns that really make them pop. Intricate designs scatter across handles and blades. Let’s just be glad Dan didn’t go balls out like Craftsman.

If you want to check these out in person, Dan is showcasing his tools at the Riviera Gallery.

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I don’t care if you’re a construction worker or a mechanic, there is just no way you have a need for so many tools. Don’t get me wrong, it would be incredibly awesome to own a tool set which features gizmos that don’t even have a name yet (yes, that’s how big this thing is), but the 1470 piece Craftsman Professional Tool Set takes the macho allure of tool collecting to a whole new level.

Most men (and some very butch women) take a lifetime to accumulate a tool collection that barely reaches half of this number. The Professional Tool Set lets you catch up to the big guys with one foul swoop. Even if you’re a contractor, plumber, mechanic, lumber jack and electrician, you’ll be hell bent to give every tool a try. The $8,600 value will hook you up with just about every specialty tool you can imagine, and some that you can’t.

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There is an entire sub-culture of geeks who live in a world of Speedcubing. For you not of the geek persuasion, Speedcubing is the attempt to solve the Rubik’s cube as fast as humanly possible, sometimes in extreme situations, such as blindfolded and underwater. Available now in Japan is this Pro Rubik’s Cube Kit, which comes with all you need to be on the path to speedcubing glory.

The art of speedcubing is more complex then meets the eye. The Pro Rubik’s Kit comes packed with a removable tile which reveals a  special hole for adding in the included lubricant and for readjusting the tension in the mechanism. All of these factors are what lead to solving a Rubik’s in seconds. — Andrew Dobrow

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