Gearfuse

The entire tech world is a flutter with news that Steve Jobs has returned to Apple. As promised, Jobs said he would be back in June and rumor has it that he’s not back 100%, but rather, is helping interim CEO Tim Cook out and telecommuting through email according to a USA Today report. This is fantastic news not just for Apple fans, but for stockholders as well. It ensures their prized asset is still doing just fine and can continue to create products that are a smash hit. Because let’s face it, without Steve Jobs, Apple is only half the man it used to be.

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Steve Jobs is off on some island banging chicks and sipping margaritas. Meanwhile, COO Tim Cook announced lackluster updates for iMacs and Mac Minis today. The 24-inch iMac has new NVIDIA graphics, twice the memory and twice the storage and still only costs $1499. The Mac Mini also got an upgrade, scoring 5 USB ports, Firewire 800 and a variety of options. It’s also being called the world’s most energy efficient desktop.

Finally, there is your mom. Only kidding. Apple also upgraded the Time Capsule (remember that thing?) and the Airport Extreme Base Station. They both now offer “simultaneous 2.4 GHz and 5 GHz dual-band networking “for optimal performance, range and compatibility.” Apparently, you can also set up a second Intranet for family and friends to use sans password. Very neat idea. Hit the link for the official press release.

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Hear that flood? That’s the sound of Apple shareholders and investors selling off their stake in the company as quickly as humanly possible. Why? CEO Steve Jobs just took a temporarily leave of absence from Apple. Here’s his note to Apple employees:

Team,

I am sure all of you saw my letter last week sharing something very personal with the Apple community. Unfortunately, the curiosity over my personal health continues to be a distraction not only for me and my family, but everyone else at Apple as well. In addition, during the past week I have learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought.
In order to take myself out of the limelight and focus on my health, and to allow everyone at Apple to focus on delivering extraordinary products, I have decided to take a medical leave of absence until the end of June.

I have asked Tim Cook to be responsible for Apple’s day to day operations, and I know he and the rest of the executive management team will do a great job. As CEO, I plan to remain involved in major strategic decisions while I am out. Our board of directors fully supports this plan.

I look forward to seeing all of you this summer.

Steve

Now this is what we call epic shit in the tech industry.

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