Gearfuse

Actually, Simon isn’t saying shit because his name is trademarked by some gaming company. This is officially known as the memory game alarm clock. It’s the same concept. You’re sound asleep. You here that stupid “boop” noise and open your eyes to see the red button going insane. You smack it a shot and turn back on your side, slowly brushing your dong against your wife’s back. “Boop!! Boop!” Here we ago again. You’ll need to get up and finish the game if you ever want some peace of mind. It is, without a doubt, one of the greatest ways to ensure you wake up each morning.

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This is exactly what I need: an alarm clock that throws a tantrum, immediately awakening me from any dream I’m having, no matter how provocative. It’s the kind of clock that’d give any elderly person sleeping beside it a heart attack. This isn’t that bullshit Da Vinci Alarm clock, either. It actually tells time.

Five minutes before the alarm goes off its feet and body will start glowing. That’s your first warning that the shit is about to hit the fan. If you haven’t awaken from natural intuition or were too slow to hit the snooze button by then, a minute after the alarm goes off the clock throws a tempter tantrum. It’s almost like waking up to the girlfriend you’ve never wanted and at a price of $49.95, it’s also cheaper than the girlfriend you’ve never wanted.

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