Get your mind out of the gutter, friend! I wasn’t referring to the terrible diarrhea the crew of the ISS got a hold of. To be quite honest, I’m talking about a nasty little worm for Windows that NASA somehow happened to miss. The infection, known as W32.TGammima.AG, can steal passwords and fuck up your system - something you don’t want happening when you’re literally out of this world.

NASA isn’t worrying about the bug. They say it’s not the first time a virus or worm has been smuggled into outer space. Man, diarrhea on the ISS would make for a great show on FOX.

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Not every kid can swim like Michael Phelps, though every kid ought to. Parents, we understand. Sometimes you just don’t feel like sitting around watching the kids splash the water from the safety of dry land. After all, if they aren’t winning Olympic gold, what’s the point? That’s exactly why you bought the Safety Turtle Wireless Pool Security System for $167, effectively putting a price tag on your child’s life. Now you don’t have to worry about your kids drowning in a pool just because you were too busy doing the latest New York Times crossword puzzle.

It’s easy to use, too. Just plug the base station in and it will work in all directions up to 200 feet away. If the turtle sensor is submerged, the base station let’s out a wail that painfully reminds you of what a negligent parent you are. The creators of the Safety Turtle are not liable for any loss of life due to your lack of practice with CPR.

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Looks like Defcon 16 is one of the best yet. The “Defcon 16 Mystery Challenge” is a competition for attendees to have at. Solve a series of puzzles and mysteries and you could win special black Defcon badges that give you free admittance for life. One of the puzzles includes this delightful yellow ball with a combination lock on the top. You say lockpick it, I say smash it.

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Going to Beijing for the upcoming Olympic games? Well, if you weren’t aware, China is not a democracy. Their nation-wide firewall leaves access to certain websites blocked, dulling your internet experience. No worries, thanks to Germany’s Chaos Computer Club’s USB dongle dubbed The Freedom Stick. For just $30, this device is preloaded with software which will secure your connection, routing traffic around the world through anonymous computers. The commies will never know what hit ‘em.

The stick will only be available during the games, which hopefully won’t piss the Chinese government off too much.  It’s not made of LEGOs and it’s not a Bluetooth adapter, but it’ll be more productive at a fraction of the price.  Be warned: if you find yourself in a Chinese prison for messing with their networks, the Chaos Computer Club will not bail you out and neither will your own government.

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We’re not actively covering the Black Hat 2008 security conference currently going on in Las Vegas but there is some crazy stuff happening. Similar to when I attended Defcon years ago with Hack a Day, there was a Wall of Sheep. The WoS displays people who got hacked and insecure connections to prove a point and expose weaknesses in wireless security.

During the conference, three journalists from a French publication hacked the press room Internet connection and stole a ton of login credentials from other people. They then tried to have the team running the Wall of Sheep display the stolen information, which included login info for eweek.com, cnet.com and many other sites. Security found out and banned the three jerks from attending Black Hat and Defcon.

Remember: hacking has a time and a place. The press room at a big event is not it.

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We’ve seen artificial corneas that could replace damaged organic corneas, but how about a digital image sensor that adjusts itself like a human retina? That’s exactly what John Rogers at the University of Illinois is creating. An improved method of transferring silicon sensors onto a curved surface allowing for the sensor to capture wide-angle views with low distortion. Because it avoids using a conventional flat surface for image capturing, this digital retina is able to perform feats that ordinary cameras cannot. It’ll eventually lead to advancements in security surveillance and capturing wildlife footage.

Using conventional chip manufacturing technology, John Rogers and his colleagues have found a way to bend silicone without forming creases in it. The camera they built has only 256 pixels, making it a low-resolution camera, but they claim the same technique used to craft this camera could be used to craft a wide-angled megapixel camera.  The ladies dorm just got more accessible, Porky’s-style.

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Everybody knows it can be dangerous to have porn on your computer at work, but now it seems like none of your files are safe from prying eyes. Thanks to some recent court rulings and new policies at the Department of Homeland Security, any traveler crossing the US border can have their laptops and other electronic devices seized and examined by the feds.

There are tips for encrypting your data online, but it seems like old fashioned password protection is still the best way to go. Still, even that’s not a sure thing. For the time being, it’s probably not a good idea to have anything on your computer or camera that you wouldn’t want to share with the US government while traveling abroad.

Next time I cross the border I plan on bringing nothing but a flash drive stocked with explicit pictures– of my fat white ass. Search that fools!

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[Photo: Nat'l Archives]

Designed by fellow New Yorker and Brooklyn-based artist William Lamson, this lifehack is probably the easiest way to eliminate a public security camera. First, you’ll need a helium-filled balloon and some string. A weight won’t hurt either. Get the balloon full of static electricity and then raise it up to the camera.

As it sticks, tie the string to the weight and enjoy your new found privacy. I’d imagine that many a shitty graffiti artist will be using this method in weeks to come. Running low on static? Use duct tape.

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Quality car stereos are always getting stolen so a poster on Instructibles who goes by the name of sfgabe came up with an easy way to fool thieves into thinking that your sound system has already been jacked. Gabe, who says he lives in a “sketchy section [of] Oakland” where his car gets broken into on a “weekly basis” came up with a technique that enables you to place a broken faceplate in front of your stereo to cover up the real thing create the impression that the dashboard has been gutted while still keeping your sweet stereo safe and sound. If you make yourself one of these and get some of those anti-theft faux-rust stickers, criminals will definitely keep far away from your ride, but be forewarned potential dates will probably have the same reaction. If you want a ride that manages to stay secure while still looking impressive allow me to suggest Volkswagen’s seemingly impregnable Ego concept car.

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Olympus Japan today announced the development of the worlds first 360 degree lens and camera prototype. With a vertical coverage of 180 degrees this camera is a boon to surveillance systems everywhere.  This camera won’t miss a thing as it can cover every possible angle so long as the room isn’t too asymmetrical.

No word from Olympus if the prototype camera will be commercialized or how much it’ll cost, but you can bet it’ll be out of the price range of most consumers.

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