Recession? What recession?
This 24-karat gold iPhone 3G has made its way onto the auction site eBay in hopes that it’ll draw a high bid. While I don’t doubt it will, whoever ends up winning must not be affected by the current economic crisis. You can buy it now for a mere $1016.72, which is pennies for people like Bill Gates and Bernie Madoff. There’s even a gold Apple logo on the back of the device for good measure.
Richer than Richie Rich? Only one vacation locale comes to mind this year and it’s the refrigerated sands of the Palazzo Versace fashion hotel in Dubai. When walking on hot sand is too much for you and you’re more spoiled than Paris Hilton, why shouldn’t you spend money on the luxury of cool sand?
How does one even cool sand? For starters, you’ve got to be rich. Then, you lay a network of pipes beneath the sand containing a coolant that will absorb heat from the surface. That’s just one absurd feature among many that you’ll find at the Palazzo Versace hotel. This 10-story building contains 213 rooms and an additional 169 apartments. Some rooms even have their own internal swimming pools. Good golly. There is rich, then there is Dubai.
I know a lot of you out there are nuts about flying. It’s an expensive hobby, but someone’s got to do it. How else would I be able to get to Bangladesh? If you’re crazy about flying and I mean straight loony about it, then you won’t be afraid to learn how to fly all by yourself. Just kidding. No one in their right mind would let you jump into the cockpit of a plane without hours of experience behind a simulator. That’s where the CAE 7000 Series full-flight simulators come in.
British Airways Executive Club members have access to these top-of-the-line simulators which offer a wrap-around display, seating for a full cockpit crew, automated vocal warnings and full motion feedback. Even better – if you decide you want one in your home, it only costs fourteen million dollars to have CAE install and maintain it for you. Start saving now, because we both know that Microsoft Flight Simulator and Afterburner aren’t getting you anywhere. Neither will this thing, but it’s a better start.
Dubai is a cool city and all, but have you ever gotten the feeling that it’s just flaunting its endless wealth? That’s because it is. Dubai is rich, filthy rich and they aren’t afraid of letting the world know it by dropping billions of dollars on over-elaborate fountains and animated skyscrapers.
Now, Dubai is “WOWing” the world once again by having the UAE development company, Tameer Holding, develop the world’s largest LED screen to be embedded on an intended commercial tower in the Majan district of Dubailand. That’s 33 stories of advertising. It might seem a little excessive, but this is Dubai. It’s got money and it’s not afraid to flaunt it.
Calling all celebrities and women from Long Island!
Need a new fashion accessory to truly put you ahead of the curve? Try these diamond-encrusted earbuds that go great with your trippy iPod or Discman. Yes, Discman. Regardless of my absurd comments, a bunch of Swarovski crystals glued to some headphones will really show the other ladies who means cougar business. At $60,000 a pair, they damn well better morph into a Mercedes Benz or something equally amazing. But alas, you’ll find yourself cold, lonely and feeling very rich. All while listening to Phil Collins.
“Throwing it all awaaaaayyyyyy”
Until I see one on the road, I won’t believe it. Apparently Lamborghini has gone soft with its latest offering, the four door Estoque. This is the premier entourage vehicle or family car for a WASPy outing in the Hamptons. Under the hood you’ll find a turbocharged V8 engine or a V8 with a hybrid module and a turbo diesel is even being considered. This isn’t a man’s Lambo. This is what your rich wife Cindy uses when she wants to look good while picking up scripts from the pharmacy. Low blow! No price or release date announced so let’s not hold our breath.
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Wipe your ass with hundreds? Fuck rare breeds of dogs in the Galapagos Islands? Are you married to Carla Bruni? Great. You’re going to love this new bottled water coming soon to your favorite luxury hotel. It’s called Tasmanian Rain and is made with 100-percent real marketing gimmick. Additionally, it also contains rainwater that has, and I quote, “never touched the ground.” Yes. This is some nasty ass rainwater from Tasmania, Australia. Fan-fucking-tastic. You can get some to wash down that foie gras you got at the Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons. Better yet, power your calculator with it so you can waste money whilst counting it.
Oh and you can get it delivered to your home too. $60 for a case of 12 750 ml bottles and $75 for a case of 24 375 ml bottles. What has the world come to?
If you’re wondering how George Washington Carver discovered three hundred uses for peanuts, you’re wasting your time. Everyone knows there is only one use for peanuts and that’s the creation of delicious peanut butter. By the end of the month, this peanut butter machine will be available for you to crush up your favorite shell nuts into creamy rich nut butter. Mmm – nut butter. Who knows how many double-ended jars you could fill with an endless supply of homemade nut butter and with your MacGyver-skills, you could come up with some interesting blends of nuts.
You could open your own shop that sells custom nut butter and if the name hasn’t already been taken, you could call your store, “Totally Nuts For Nut Butter”. You might be thinking, is $50 dollars a decent price for a peanut butter machine? Are you fucking kidding me? I’d put my house on a second mortgage to get a hold of one of these!
Some people have a taste for the luxurious lifestyle while others just like to sit in their money. For the latter, there’s this amazing couch made from 6400 nickels. With over 35,000 welds and 350 feet of stiffing rods, this piece of furniture is truly a work of diligence and patience. The couch weighs about 125 pounds, so bring a friend to help you move it in.
Price is available upon request but you can bet it’ll cost much more than $320. If you have to ask…
Here’s something else, furniture called Ripple Series that imitates rippling mercury just like the Vertibral seating imitates spinal structure. It’s from designer Lee J. Rowland who happens to also be an aerospace engineer. And it shows with this out of this world furniture design that uses a three-dimensional machining process along with sheet metal to make these one of a kind desktops.
It’s no surprise these tables are also astronomical in price, ranging from $45,000 to $268,000. Yowza. Impressive Lee, but no thanks, I’d rather buy a condo then put a bunch of furniture made out of corks in it.
