Huge news today. John McCain, the Republican nominee eying the White House in November, just announced that his vice presidential candidate will be Sarah Palin (on the right, obviously), a real hot piece of ass from Alaska. This 44-year-old soccer mom most likely did a ton of coke back in the ’80s when she was a star basketball player and is now married and the Governor of Alaska. She’s young, full of sass and most importantly, a hottie.

Did I mention she eats Moose Burger? Interpret that however you please.

Surely some of you are concerned about her political record. Allow me to reassure you that Palin has the experience we need to lead this country:

In 1984, after winning the Miss Wasilla contest earlier that year, Palin finished second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant which won her a scholarship to help pay her way through college.[4] In the Wasilla pageant, she played the flute and also won Miss Congeniality.

She gets high, too! Wikipedia says that Palin “…admits that she used marijuana when it was legal in Alaska, but says that she did not like it.”

Gentlemen, Ladies. I think we have a careful decision to make come November: left-hand or right-hand?

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Not every belt is built for hard liquor. Some are built for hops lovers others for gay pirates, but man oh man, I could’ve used this in high school. As for college, I slept next to a mini-fridge, no $18 beer belt needed. This belt reminds me of my senior year in high school. The chess team had just won their final match and needless to say I was ecstatic. Some of the “in crowd” were throwing a “school’s out for the summer” party, complete with Alice Cooper music and all. Yet, when I showed up with a friend of mine, we were not welcome. This made my blood boil.

When my blood boils, I do stupid shit. The kind of crap you go to jail for. While all the party goers were in the basement, dicking around with their inflatable Beer Pong Table, my friend and I raided the fridge.  For one reason or another, no one at this party was anywhere near the beer-filled fridge. Bad move. Unfortunately, like every other person,  I only have two hands. If only I had had this beer belt, I would’ve been able to grab more than the six beers I shoved in my cargo pockets and the two beers in each of my hands. Contrary to popular belief, another six beers will make a difference.

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What better way to translate audio signals into light patterns than with this DIY project from Electronicpeasant.com. Throwing a few parties at your house while your rents are in Tahiti? Build a bunch of these, throw on some jam band music and take some hallucinogens to pay tribute to the late great Albert Hoffman. Perhaps some of your friends could bring over their DIY E-bolas to turn the party into a real rave that’ll have the police there (partying with you) in hours (they were busy).  With LEDs for lights, the color organ was designed for extended battery use and doesn’t burn too much power. After all, no one wants to change a battery whilst under the influence.

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This party wagon is dubbed the All American Tailgater. The problem? No American flag. It’s the got “Freedom Grill” and the bar is always open, but where are the other signs of patriotism? According to Obama, you don’t need to show your patriotism by adorning your nation’s flag.

That’s bullshit. Regardless, this tailgater is stacked! With a 32-inch flat screen TV for the outside bar and a 17-incher for its interior, you’ll have no problem watching the first two Lord of The Rings simultaneously. The amount of work that’s put into this thing is sickening. It’s got a keg refrigerator, food refrigerator, freezer, microwave, sink, surround sound stereo system, and a five disc DVD/CD player, all of which fulfill any of your party needs. It’s the ultimate truck mod. At up to $45,000, it’s really only missing the flag and mud flap ladies.
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For a software platform that was discontinued 14 years ago, the Commodore 64’s legacy and fan base is still going strong. The Cincinnati Commodore Computer Club’s held its 2008 C=4 Expo at the Drawbridge Inn in Fort Mitchell, Kentucky from June 28-29.

In celebration of the LAN party status at C=4, a new Commodore 64 game was unveiled, called NetRacer. Up to eight players can race together, either over the internet or they can LAN it up with some ethernet cartridges. A little late on its release, don’t ya’ think?

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Bachelors need a bar at their pad. What better way to impress your guests and lady friends than with a Super SideBar? Go to any bar in the city- you don’t choose your drinks, they’re chosen for you. It’s all about choice and personal preference these days and with the SideBar, five of your favorite thirst-depriving drinks can be tucked away underneath your counter top. With the touch of a button the dispenser on the counter will have your guests selectively choosing which among your favorites they’ll be forced to settle with.

It starts at $499 and comes assembled but the installation part is all up to you. Just make sure you don’t find yourself making out with the “booze-faucet” in front of the ladies because both of you will regret it.

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Looking for the hottest party of the year? Want to do your part and help save the planet WHILE dancing? Of course you do! Hit up the Sustainable Dance Club this weekend for $3 SoCo Limes ALL NIGHT. We’ll be re-charging our famous LED lighting system via a “rechargeable dance floor” of sorts. Futureshock will be on the decks all night and later on DJ Clue will throw down the FRESHEST OF BEATS.

SO COME ONE, COME ALL!!! THIS FRIDAY, JULY 4TH AT SUSTAINABLE DANCE CLUB. $20 COVER, REDUCED ADMISSION AFTER 1AM. 21+ ONLY

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Not into watches? That’s OK, ’cause not all of us are. If you gotta know the time though, I suggest scoring one of these Digital Clock T-Shirts. It’s your standard black t-shirt with a simple LED clock built into the clothing. Sure, it’ll be a bit heavy and it takes 4 AA batteries, but imagine all the ass you’re going to get at the next party the basketball team throws.

At $38, it’s a bit pricey for such a basic shirt. You’d really get your money’s worth if you integrated it into your Halloween costume.

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iXs Research Corporation unveiled the prototype robot teddy that provides spoken directions to the driver while making distracting gestures. It’d be cool if it did pelvic thrusts every time you came to your exit but no, this bear isn’t down to party. It’s got an alcohol detection sensor in its neck and will snitch on you in a moments notice. If you’re driving too fast, it’ll complain. If you rub his head he provides nearby landmark info; but he’s still a snitch and a pain in the ass.
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The FolDoub is a fold out caravan that provides the ultimate camping experience. It’s a bed on the go, yet so much more than that. It can also be used as a sweet party room. FolDoub doubles the available floor space of an average mid-sized caravan due to its clever compact design.

Pull up to someones house with it, unfold it, put a disco ball in it and people will flock to it like pigeons to trash.  It has plenty of space to set up a table full of spiked juice. As an added bonus, you can DJ it up through the car stereo while ghost riding your vehicle and party caravan down the street. Sounds laid back. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

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