If you don’t think your neighbors would think too kindly of your having a live-in robot posing a wine rack, no worries. This Robot Wine Rack ships with an incognito mustache. Guests will wonder who your new debonair house guest is. Just tell them its your little secret. Of course, the mustache is purely optional, but why not? Lacking a mustache when there’s one available should be a crime.
No need to even set-up a consultation with your plastic surgeon. Rhinoplasty is as easy as grabbing your nearest beverage. The Pick Your Nose Cups create the illusion of a beautiful new nose, and sometimes, even a beautiful new mustache.
Choose your nose of choice from the 12 possible options. There’s a nose for everyone, don’t you knowz?
Why settle for only one mustache when you can have four interchangeable Velcro mustaches which can be changed any day of the week. I’m in sort of a handlebar mood today, but who knows what my mustache-meter will hold tomorrow. (Probably handlebar again. Those things rock.)
Mr. Mustache is the perfect pillow for the wishy-washy facial hair fan. Who doesn’t love a little ’stache in their life? If my facial hair didn’t grow like a 12-year-old Mexican’s I would so rock my own. I even envy my dog’s mustache.
If your dog suddenly starts showing up at home smelling of cigar smoke and brandy, it might be using one of these Mustache Chew Toys. When bitten just right, it makes your dog look like a dignified British diplomat. Hilarity ensues.
Apparently, symptoms also include a slight brown discoloration of a nipple or two. Seriously, what the hell is with that. You’d think they’d screen these models.
A festering wound isn’t exactly your sure-fire ticket into the local country club. Being covered in bandages just doesn’t lend itself to your all-around hygiene. Luckily, even if your wound was infected and leaking, these Mustache Bandages add that extra touch of class that might just lead the club owner to forget all about a little pus.
I never thought I’d actually hope to cut myself shaving. I’m so gonna do some slashing on my upper lip. These mustaches beat out my real ’stache ten-fold.
There’s nothing more chic or classy than a series of fully-grown and finely-cropped mustaches, especially when they appear on your baby’s onesie. Because the one thing we want near our kid’s body is some random guy’s mustache.
In the winter I usually like to grow a full-blown beard, as it helps to keep my face warm and crisp through the harsh snowy season. My skin, on the other hand, has an issue with the hair growth and personally holds me accountable. I’m pretty confidant that I’m allergic to my own hair. I get patches of dry skin wherever I grow in my facial hair — dry skin that remains crusted unless I properly moisturize. It’s actually pretty distressing.
These Mustache Gloves would save me some time and some embarrassment. Not only would my upper lip be warm as I walk around with my finger settled just below my nose, but I’d also get to look like a French aristocrat if I so desired, thanks to the two different mustache options provided by the gloves. They also offer discrete finger sniffing! You can grab a pair on sale for $65, usually $95.
Tonight, when you sit down for your nightly glass of fresh human blood, please remember to follow the rules of basic vampire hygiene. Nobody likes to walk in to a musky study to find a man with a blood mustache. It just wouldn’t be fair to any visitors.
The Blood Mustache t-shirt illustrates the ugly result of forgetting a napkin as you sip away at your latest kill. Please, for the love of Satan, drink safely and always have a designated slayer.
