Gearfuse

I haven’t watched Nickelodeon since about the time Ahh! Real Monsters came on the air, but I still get a hint of nostalgia everytime I hear the channel name or see some of their iconic green slime. Hours and hours of watching Doug, Rugrats and Rocko’s Modern Life will do that to you.

Dell and Nickelodeon have partnered to introduce the Inspiron Mini Nickelodeon Edition netbook PC designed for kids. Stocked with an Atom N270 processor, 1GB RAM, up to 160GB hard drive, a 10.1-inch LCD display, WiFi, Bluetooth and a 1.3 Megapixel webcam (the webcam is probably a bad idea), the notebook is designed to look like it has been slimed.

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Hmmm. LEGO Rock Band. Seems like a good idea, given the plethora of other LEGO-based video games available, right? Maybe. Joystiq spent some quality hands-on time with the new Rock Band title and had this to say about it:

It’s tempting to just take a review of Rock Band 2 and stick it under here and label it Lego Rock Band, because that’s pretty much what it is, albeit with a few family-friendly tweaks. They’re mostly aesthetic, and Harmonix is working with Lego, who has approval over all of the songs in the game, to make sure it’s an experience that little kids can enjoy with adults. It might be a bit jarring to see Suzie, age 6, gyrating along to “Sex Bomb,” for instance.

Makes sense. A kid-friendly game with kid-friendly tunes. The problem is, Harmonix is getting lazy. Instead of just spewing out new titles with different themes and different songs, I’d like to see it innovate and bring all new features and devices to its popular franchise. Add a keyboard player to Rock Band and then I’ll get excited about your upcoming games.

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Dads. I’ve got some news for you. This weekend, instead of watching your TiVo’d NHL playoff games, you’re going to be making this toy car launcher for your kid. DotaDabbled’s Instructable provides precise details on how you can create one using some wood, plastic and other miscellaneous doo-dads (pardon the pun) lying around the house.

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While you’re sure to get some strange looks from both sneering fashionistas and mildly frightened parents, you can’t help but enjoy the honesty of this t-shirt. You might not get a confidence boost from acknowledging the fact that you have more toys than a 12-year-old Japanese school girl, but anything else would simply be a lie.

If us geeks are known for anything, it’s our complete and utter honesty when it comes to our geekery.

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Oh quit crying, you two. You have enough money to wipe your asses with $100 bills for the rest of your natural born life. In a recent interview with Vogue, Melinda Gates stated that she keeps iPhones and iPods out of the hands of her children. The direct quote sez:

“…there are very few things that are on the banned list in our household. but ipods and iphones are two things we don’t get for our kids.”

So is this a veiled attempt at keeping Apple products out of the house or just the way the Gates family approaches parenting? I’m going to say it’s a little bit of column A, a little of column B. I’m sure the Bill has an iMac lying around his insanely large house somewhere. No iPhone, though? Someone call child services.

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Stick one up your kid’s ass and watch them crap out a star. Delightful.

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Children are increasingly interested in social networking websites such as MySpace and Facebook. However, children under 13 don’t really have a lot of safe options for an online presence and the technical curve can be difficult for some. This is all solved with the RFID-enabled Poken.

These little toys come with big hands for high-fiving. Two kids can high five each other’s Poken and their information will be transferred to the device. Once they get home, they can use a USB cable to download their friend’s information. It’s a unique way of interaction that really brings people closer. You have to actually talk to people in real life? Now that is innovation.

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“Son, we’re going to the 7-11 for dinner. Put your shoes on.”

“But father! I’ve lost my sneakers whilst playing in the woods this morning!”

“You little shit. Those shoes cost me $17 from Walmart. Are you trying to embarrass me?”

“No!”

“Well I’m hungry as shit. Here. In the mean time, put these Wiimote covers on your feet.”

“I’m gonna become Mario! Wait till I find Peach in the forest and we find Yos-”

“Shut up already and put the goddamned plastic on your feet, OK kid?”

“Yes, father.”

“Good. Now C’mon. I’ve got a spicy bean burrito with my name on it that needs to be rescued.”

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This lamp is supposed to resemble a yo-yo and while it does, it also reminds me of a pair of testicles. I mean look at it. That dimple right there in the center; it has to be a set of balls. That’s what I’m guessing Spanish design firm Almerich had in mind when it designed this lamp. It lights up normally and in the middle is a 10-meter-long electric cord used to plug the lamp in and to give it that true yo-yo look. Just don’t try walking the dog with it unless you’re trying to destroy your house.

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What if I told you, the overworked mother, I could teach your child about science and let them enjoy some quality playtime simultaneously? I’m sure you’d burst into tears and start thanking me but I can’t take credit for this. The Food Chain Friends are a cute series of stuffed animals that eat each other and do it quite well. Explain to your child the concept of Darwinism, all while using adorable plush creatures as the characters in your Shakespearean performance. The ALPHA and BETA series of creatures are available for $50 each at FAO Schwarz, so make sure you get them soon before the holiday rush picks up.

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