Gearfuse

Amazing. The Onion is reporting that Twitter creator Jack Dorsey had “never intended for it to be useful.” The report claims that Dorsey created the service for attention-starved idiots who have nothing else better to do. Without a doubt, it is the greatest description of Twitter.

Says Dorsey:

“Twitter was intended to be a way for vacant, self-absorbed egotists to share their most banal and idiotic thoughts with anyone pathetic enough to read them.”

He goes on to state that his latest project will be so useless, the Iranian people won’t even be able to use it. Additionally, Dorsey’s nose ring will hold a separate press conference next week.

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Not everything that comes out of the Middle East is negative. Hooray. Biologists in Iran have successfully equipped two cheetahs with GPS collars, which they hope will help them better understand the endangered status of these massive felines.

“These captures herald a new era in conservation in Iran, said biologist Hooshang Ziaie, director of the project in Iran. “This is the first time we have successfully deployed these collars in Iran, and the data they provide will enable us to make very specific recommendations for conserving cheetahs for future generations.”

The GPS collars will allow scientists to follow the path the cheetah’s take to travel between protected areas of conservation and to study the landscape that is critical in the cheetah’s survival. Very little is known about the big kitties survival in Iran other than that they need a vast landscape to survive.

Scientists hope to capture and collar four more cheetahs before the end of winter, before the scorching desert heat becomes too dangerously intense to search. — Andrew Dobrow

GPS Collar Could Help Save Endangered Cheetahs [LiveScience]