National Guardsmen who pilot Army Predator drones are suffering symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. Predator pilots launch missile attacks remotely from bases in Texas, Arizona, Nevada, and Southern California. They work in front of video screens in air conditioned trailers and go home to their families every night, but the pilots and their commanders say they are experiencing PTSD just like soldiers on the battlefield.

Predators have recently been outfitted with new higher-resolution cameras. Army personnel say the improved optics force Predator pilots to see graphic images of the impact of their bombings. Missions often require Predators to remain in the air over their targets to observe the aftermath of their attacks. These findings are bad news because the military is increasingly planning to use remote controlled drones for combat operations.

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After pissing off investors, causing Apple stock to fall and acting shadier than Mickey Rourke after posting bail, Steve Jobs has finally spoken on the issue of his personal health. He claims he is fine and doesn’t have cancer and that everyone should mind they’re fucking business, essentially. This lets everyone breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that Apple’s famous CEO is doing fine.

That said, now everyone is going to be screaming about the “Mac Tablet.” Ugh.

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Investors won’t buy your stock if they think your CEO is going to croak the following year. After the WWDC conference in June, Apple reps blamed Jobs’ more than unusual thin build on an unspecified illness that required antibiotic treatment. Despite repeated requests, company officials are not commenting on the status of Jobs’ ailment.

Jobs is a survivor of pancreatic cancer and also happens to be one of the most powerful people in business. As such, his health is of great concern for those who care for nothing more than their wallet size.

For a visionary chief executive like Jobs - who drives the development of Apple’s hit products - health is a material factor in the company’s performance, and something investors should know about ASAP.

Well, no one lives forever. So, where will Apple be after Steve Jobs?
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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out and bought fresh fruit, only to have it mold by sitting in my refrigerator’s crisper drawer. It’s both a waste of food and money and can be quite frustrating at times. This is where BLUE enters the picture.

BLUE will cleanse your fruits through emitting a special light that kills bacteria on the skin of your pears, peaches and other delicious delicacies (a process known as Action Fresh Blue technology.) A beautiful blue ambient light glows when the device is on and cleansing your food. BLUE comes with a charger and a removable bowl that you can easily clean. After the jump, a collage showing how BLUE works:
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Hey, fatty / string bean / muscle man / average weight person or otherwise. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Why must you lie to yourself? You think you’re so healthy, but trust me, there must be something wrong with you. And whatever it is, you bet your ass the Overall Health Balance Scale finds it and taunts you with it.

To be honest, there are other scales that might take the same exact measurements. The Overall device measures your weight, BMI, subcutaneous fat ratio, organ fat level, muscle level, and basal metabolic rate, but does it stop there? Psh, of course not. This little bugger goes even further, grading your health in each category on a five point scale, and then offering you a overall health rating based on your age. If your plump paunch is so large in circumference that you can’t read the digital read out, an easy-to-read screen is able to be read at eye level. That is, if you haven’t already lost your upper limbs to diabetes.

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Despite the fact that there have been giant leaps in terms of ergonomics for gadgets, overuse can still cause your body to feel as if it’s falling apart. If they didn’t, there would be no market for massage items such as these. The Massaging Backpack might still cause you to ache, but at least it provides a solution for a sore back.

Remote controlled, the Massaging Backpack works your back muscles with a customizable pulse and rumble which is supposed to ease your pain, at least better than a Boombox Backpack could. Whether it actually accomplishes this goal is debatable. Get your for around $63. — Andrew Dobrow

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If male haircare had a placebo pill, the X5 Hairlaser would be it. While we don’t have any scientific proof to back up that the laser is just some gimmick, the X5’s descriptive method of  blasting, “15 distinct points of coherent laser light directly to your scalp at the optimum power and wavelength,” sounds like a quote straight from an Ed Wood film.

If you’ve tried other methods, and are still losing more and more hair, and really don’t want to wear a wig or look like Britney Spears, then we guess you’re desperate enough to try out anything, and the X5 Hairlaser could very unlikely be the one that works for you. Get yours for the price of $300. — Andrew Dobrow

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I’ve had girlfriends in the past that have been utterly terrified of the scale. They’d rather be seen wearing this hat in public than know how much they weigh (and god forbid if I were to glance over their shoulder and glimpse a digit or two.) We can only imagine that MiBody would be those ladies’ equivalent of the apocalypse. And we shudder to think what could happen if they ever hear of DoCoMo’s ego-crushing phone.

Not only does the MiBody scale tell you your weight, but goes on to badger you about your body fat, body water, muscle mass, BMI, BMR, and probably other nasty abbreviations starting with ‘B’. MiBody even has the nerve to offer you USB transfer of these stats to your computer. As if you want to know how much larger your waist line is growing. Shove it up your ass, MiBody! Everyone can’t have that conceptual super-thin black sleekness that your body does! — Andrew Dobrow

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A lot of people are very skeptical about seeing a psychologist to discuss their problems. A huge part of the skepticism is probably due to the fact that other psychologists are other humans. Who really feels comfortable talking about their juiciest problems with a fellow human?

Developed by two Dutch psychologists specializing in Neuro Linguistic Programming, the MindMentor is programmed to ask questions in order to reach the unconscious mental resources of the client, allowing clients to come to their own sane solutions for mental issues. MindMentor is not made for extreme psychological disorders, such as schizophrenia, but is designed to help deal with stress, depression, and all of the side-effects. — Andrew Dobrow

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Senile senior citizens cannot be trusted. As much as I love to laugh at the frequently falling and hip-breaking demographic, I also know a life with seniors is no picnic. As senility wins over their feeble tissue masses which used to be called active and functioning brains, they start reverting back to simple childhood curiosities.

The difference is, that seniors actually have the means to drink the chemicals under the sink, provided they don’t break a bone while scurrying over to the kitchen. The Health Guard concept designed for Nokia uses RFID technology to monitor what the golden oldie consumes. Whether it be expired food, medicine, or possible allergens, they are bound to get into something they shouldn’t be getting into. The two-way Health Guard keeps tabs on their absent-minded consumption. If they’re really such a burden you could always take a blind eye, though that could be grounds for murder charges, and you aren’t a murderer, are you? (more…)