First, it was digitally altering the fireworks. Now those commie bastards are at it again! According to The Telegraph, the little 9-year-old girl in the red dress than sung “Hymn to the Motherland” during the opening ceremony, Lin Miaoke, is nothing more than a puppet. Turns out a small girl with “buck teeth” called Yang Peiyi was hitting all the notes backstage while the bitch in the red dress danced around.

At the last moment a member of the Chinese politburo who was watching a rehearsal pronounced that the winner, a girl called Yang Peiyi, might have a perfect voice but was unsuited to the lead role because of her buck teeth.

So, on the night, while a pre-recording of Yang Peiyi singing was played, Lin Miaoke, who has already featured in television advertisements, was seen but not heard.

“This was a last-minute question, a choice we had to make,” the ceremony’s musical designer, Chen Qigang, said. “Our rehearsals had already been vetted several times - they were all very strict. When we had the dress rehearsals, there were spectators from various divisions, including above all a member of the politburo who gave us his verdict: we had to make the swap.”

Seriously. Way to go, China. Your reputation is getting more and more sour by the minute. I fear that by the end of the Olympics, you’ll have rendered gold medals for every Chinese athlete using computer graphics.

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Going to Beijing for the upcoming Olympic games? Well, if you weren’t aware, China is not a democracy. Their nation-wide firewall leaves access to certain websites blocked, dulling your internet experience. No worries, thanks to Germany’s Chaos Computer Club’s USB dongle dubbed The Freedom Stick. For just $30, this device is preloaded with software which will secure your connection, routing traffic around the world through anonymous computers. The commies will never know what hit ‘em.

The stick will only be available during the games, which hopefully won’t piss the Chinese government off too much.  It’s not made of LEGOs and it’s not a Bluetooth adapter, but it’ll be more productive at a fraction of the price.  Be warned: if you find yourself in a Chinese prison for messing with their networks, the Chaos Computer Club will not bail you out and neither will your own government.

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