Gearfuse

Combat boot specialists Doc Marten have unveiled their awesome “The Skelly” pair of glow-in-the-dark combat boots. Even if you haven’t had the chance to rot in the ground for a few millenia, you can still feel like a hardcore undead creature walking among the living. Damn air breathers.

The coolest feature is that your bones will have a special talent which normal undead bones don’t have – the ability to glow in the dark like some sort of zombie nuclear experiment.

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After spending so much cash on x-rays, they usually wind up in some abandoned file, strewn in a closet or junk drawer. Take advantage of your old lady osteoporosis bones and at least use them for something. It might not be the most polite umbrella, but it’s something.

Hope you have good medical insurance! You’ll need it to save up for this bad boy.

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Even if you have disgustingly dirty and calloused feet, there’s no reason why you can’t show off your fabulous bone structure. These Skeletal Shoes are for the most hardcore of foot fetishists among us.

Available on Etsy, you can pick up a pair for pretty much Wal-Mart prices. Only $40 a pop. The catch is that they’re only available in male size 8 1/2.  Don’t think I could fit my size 12 into these.

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No longer will your girlfriend call you spineless when bullied by men twice your size. And if she does, she’s full of shit. Especially if you’re wearing this Vertebrae Belt.

That’s two whole spines. How many does that bitch want? Pretty sure she needs to date a skeleton for a while, considering how much she talks about bones, of every variety. Grab your own anatomical coolness from Etsy for $68, available in an assortment of color schemes.

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Can you point out where your ilium is? I know I can’t! Not yet at least. Though I might take a sudden interest in anatomy if I had sheets which constantly reminded me of my innards.

The anatomically correct “Hypochondria” sheets remind you that there are plenty of small moving parts within you which could malfunction at any second. Yes, including your ilium. You know what they say about guys with big femurs, right?

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Want to creep everyone out this Thanksgiving? Order a set of these fine skeleton hand serving forks for only $50. They probably do a fantastic job at tossing salad and serving turkey with those long, boney fingers. I’m sure your relatives will be pleased with your antics when granny keels over in horror at the dinner table.

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