Gearfuse

What are babies known for? Mainly pooping and screaming. That’s just the nature of the early human life. And who can blame them? The only problem is that the screaming is almost impossible to decipher through the human year. To us, it’s all just screaming. But apparently there are at least five different types of cries and the Cry Translator iPhone app claims it can distinguish between them all.

The Cry Translator helps decode the mysterious yiping of your newborn, dividing the scream’s cause into one of five basic categories: hungry, sleepy, annoyed, stressed, bored. It might be hard to believe, but the app claims it can “reduce overall infant crying.” And for $9.99, that’s a little piece of heaven for new parents.

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Good luck, big guy! Pay attention, and Oh, don’t rip off anyone’s arms!

Why a six-year-old needs a bandoleer we’ll never understand.

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Inspired by cosplay, these Baby Batman figurines come in your choice of Batman (Classic), Batman (Modern), Joker, Robin, Bat Girl, Cat Woman, Two Face and Mystery.

These are pretty adorable in a “I have more toys than you kid” sort of way.

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Your child is the product of two wonderful parents, so why not buy him or her the best toys available? For a paltry $104, you too can have your kid driving around in a toy BMW that has real rubber tires. No fake, plastic Power Wheels bullshit here, folks. This is the real deal, straight outta Munich. Just make sure you don’t let your kid drive it in the street as it doesn’t have airbags or seatbelts.

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Let’s see how excited your girlfriend is to breast feed this little guy. The 3-age Iron Man is a superbaby with a mission. Totally capable of kicking ass, taking names and making some of the most hardcore finger painting ever.

When your new baby gets sent home from daycare for smacking around his guardians with his superhuman toddler strength, don’t ask questions. Just apologize and carry on. One day, your little baby will make you very proud.

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Merry Christmas! What? It’s not Christmas yet? Forgive me, I’m Jewish. Here’s a nativity scene done with Star Wars LEGOs that brightened my day. Luke and Leia are collectively baby Jesus and even the infamous IG-88 makes an appearance. The creator of this nativity scene, Larry Lars, advises that anyone trying make their own should “find balance” between the traditional scene and Star Wars, itself.

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Listen, dude. Forget everything you heard about the iPhone. Forget the apps, forget the voice recognition calling, forget everything because all of its capabilities and features have just been outdone. A Japanese software engineer named Kazu Terasaki has given his iPhone the ability to walk.

Yes, he’s turned his iPhone into a kick ass robot that takes baby steps. Because Kazu is such a nice guy, you too can turn your gadgets into a mobile robot with Kazu’s dev kit. All you need to know is the Japanese language and some assembly.

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Are you an impatient mother who can’t hold onto her diaphragm without worrying if the fetus in her womb will develop sickle-cell anemia? Well no worries, tubby, because Royal Philips Electronics wants to turn those awkward and impersonal ultrasounds into something “much more playful,” says Frank Rettenbacher, a product designer for Philips.

Now, that’s just fucking creepy.  Philips researchers were modeling ultrasound visits after a spa-like experiences.  These weirdos want to cut out the whole lab/doctor routine and outfit your ultrasound experience with ambient lighting and new technologies intended to reduce stress. The ultrasound itself is streamed onto a big, bubble-like screen. These larger, clearer images may help doctors diagnose aberrations early on in the baby’s development, ultimately resulting in earlier treatment. Looks a lot like a night club to me, though. I wonder if Red Bulls will still cost $5…

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I don’t know what Turkish designer Erdem Selek was thinking when creating this, but Big Brother must have been floating around in someone’s mind. What seems like an ordinary pillow is really a space-alien with a digital eye. It’s designed to let newborn mothers watch their children through a webcam when they’re sleeping.

Some would argue it’s lovely, others would claim invasion of privacy. I suppose it depends if your baby is a supporter of the Patriot Act. Either way, it’s just a prototype, so you’ll have to stick to the walkie talkies for now.

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Are you a bit overeager to get your kid launched in the air? Whether it be because you want him to be a pilot like dear old dad, or you really just want to imagine your baby soaring through the skies, the pedal-powered Mustang Plane will keep the little piglet busy for at least five minutes.

Of course, you could always grab someone else’s kid and perform a little football punt to watch a youngin’ float through the sky, but then you’ll more than likely have the child welfare offices, not to mention the FBI, tailing your ass like a prized glazed donut. The Mustang planes are made to order in about 12-20 weeks and will set you back a whopping $1,840.

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